Fashion Guru.....

This is what happens when GG suddenly decided that being 3yrs. old meant she should start dressing herself.


She totally gets her fashion sense from The Pepsi Guy. I would have never thought to accessorize my "snake boots" with the bow hair band and a white satin "lasso".

You keep up the good work kido!

Oh Crap....Part 2

Well......it's official. A hamster is a terrible birthday gift for a 3 year old. *Malea....take the hint!*

He was great for the first 36 hours. The exercise ball was funny as hell and he is definitely one of those cracked out hamsters.

Hammy is a terrifying flesh eating rodent from hell! He bit GG on her index finger this morning and apparently she is a bleeder! That tiny little flesh wound bled forever & I was convinced there was a chunk missing.....but it was actually just a tiny little bite mark.

GG was pissed to no end and she even tried to cinvience me that Hammy would make an excellent toy for the cats. The funniest thing was the telephone conversation she had with Kid Sister. It went went something like this:

GG: Kid Sister you come take this Hammy Hamster back to store and buy me dat lizard!

Kid Sister: Oh No...what happened?

GG: Hammy dis try bite my finger off!

Kid Sister: Oh no....are you okay?

GG: NO! I dis alllll bloody and I want dat lizard now.

Things have calmed down since our crazy ass morning. GG has made amends with Hammy but she is still insistent that Kid Sister is bringing her a fricking lizard to her birthday party tomorrow.

Oh Crap.....

What the hell has this place turned into? A zoo.....a fucking petting zoo, I tell you!

GG is celebrating her 3rd birthday on Monday. Her party is this Saturday....and unlike last year....I just don't even really give a shit if people come or not and it's definitely not the spectacle it's been in the past.....but I'm sure it'll be her best one yet.

The Kid Sister decided it would be a wonderful idea to get GG another pet. Not as if a large dog, 3 cats and 3 enormous sized gold fish are enough for any household....why not add a few more. Kid Sister called me today to tell me that one of the two frogs she bought GG for her birthday had already died. She wanted to come by and drop the survivor off in the fish tank. I was worried that fish would eat him in just a few seconds....but so far so good & it's already been a whole day.

I thought it was a little strange when I noticed Kid Sister packing GG up and getting ready to make a run for it! I questioned where they were going but she was clearly trying to dodge the question by stating they'd be back shortly. I didn't realize until after they were gone....that they were up to no good.

Upon their return......GG was completely ECSTATIC!!! And that's an understatement! She is now the proud owner of a hamster. GREAT! A fucking hamster! She named him herself...."Hammy"...at least that's what I think she's calling it.

Hammy did make it through the first night with minimal stress. However, I did catch Lennie aka GG trying to sneak him out of the cage once or twice for a quick pet. It should be interesting to see how the cats react to Hammy when they finally realize that he's sticking around for a while.

Here's Your Million Dollars Mom....

Anytime GG starts with the whiny "I want's"....it always ends the same.

GG: I want (fill in the blank)

Kimmguru: Well, I want a million dollars.

GG: You don't have million dollars mama!

Kimmguru: Yeah, tell me about it kido....now move along!


GG's papaw likes to collect $2 bills for her....it's a little silly but hey...that's totally his thing! Besides, if we ever become completely destitute...... we can resort to her small fortune.

A few months ago he gave her a brand new crispy $2 bill. Some how during the very short drive home...the bill was accidentally misplaced. No explanation....it's just gone. This revelation bothered GG greatly. She holds on dearly to anything she wants to keep while riding in her car seat, for fear it may disappear into thin air. For what ever reason this particular $2 bill left it's mark on her......she would ask about it from time to time while driving. I looked for it a few times just to shut her up about it....but I never found the darn thing!

While driving to grandma's house this morning I heard her rambling on in the back seat. Then she looked at me and said "Mom, here's your million dollars....can I have my ice cream now?"

I shit you not.....she had that bill in her hand. She couldn't/wouldn't tell me where she found it but I'm insanely curious to found out where! I can't help but wondering what else she is hiding right under my nose.

Extended Naps are Great...

Until they wake up!

This is the conversation I just had with GG.


GG: Mama.....I need you help! (whiny , sleepy yell)

Kimmguru: GG come out here if you're awake. (she does talk in her sleep)

GG: Mama....I need you help me....I all wet!

Kimmguru: Did you have an accident?

GG: No....I dest all wet!

Kimmguru: Well it looks like you peed the bed. Did you have an accident?

GG: No.....(looking round)....I dest think Bill Bo (the cat) was peeing on me.

Kimmguru: Hmmm....Bill Bo is still sleeping and your panties are all wet. I promise you're not in trouble.

GG: Bill Bo dest sleeping & he had dee accident! Mama, I all wet & I need more panties.

Kimmguru: Okay, let's get up & change your clothes.

GG: Dest leave me alone! Bill Bo need get up and not pee on me no more!

So, apparently she is convinced the damn cat has some sort of vendetta against her & decided to pee on her while she was sleeping. There's no convincing her other wise. I didn't have the heart to tell her the stupid cat was sleeping on the couch next to me the entire time!

Complete Protection is Really Priceless.....

Today is the first really rainy & gloomy day we've had in quite a while. GG is feeling grumpy & a little feverish today....so she is napping early.......and LOOOONG!

Now that it's finally in the heat of the summer here in Ohio....some things in our day are pretty much a definite. Endless hours outside playing does have it benefits as well as consequences. Sunblock is staple in our daily routine & one that GG has become accustom to. She will actually remind me if I forgot to put it on her because apparently UV rays is something she doesn't take lightly.

This is what happens when you leave a nearly 3 yr. old (with serious sun protection issues) alone for just a few moments.


I actually love the fact that she's not allowed to touch her "hello kitty".....and that's almost the only part not covered in SPF 50. It only goes to show that as a mother, repeating yourself 1000's of times....will eventually sink in......especially at the most absurd & unexpected times!

A Green-ish Thumb.....

I only say “green-ish” because I was actually successful at growing some stuff!

Since I've become a stay-at-home mom last fall, I’ve become surprisingly domesticated in more ways then The Pepsi Guy or I ever imagined possible. One of these particular adventures began in the earliest of spring. GG & I decided that we were going to start a vegetable garden. TPG was against the idea from the get go! I’m sure he heavily considered the possibility that this would just be another “project” he would assume the responsibility for……like the cats.

In March, GG & I started with seeds and planted them in one of those indoor things. They grew as expected which only made our new commitment more …... committed. When the weather finally broke….TPG dug up and fertilized our very small plot….or grave site as he refers to it. The 4’X10’ plot was the only allowable space we would give us in “his” back yard. We were finally ready to plant and nurture our new hobby.

I’ll admit that it didn’t look promising that first month or so. I was actually less committed to watering the new garden ……the signs were pretty obvious. We planted 8 regular tomato plants, 8 cherry toe tomato plants, 8 cucumber plants, 4 Watermelon & 4 pumpkin plants. After that first…..rather dry month, we had a few causalities. However, 4 of the regular tomato, 1 cherry toe tomato, 1 watermelon & 1 pumpkin….were all lucky enough to call themselves survivors.

Months have passed, we water on a regular basis and we flourished. I could see that we were going to be proud of our garden when the watermelon & pumpkins started to grow. Well…at least the vines were growing & Growing & GROWING!!!! Then it happened …one day there was fruit! The pumpkins were actually “Ghost” pumpkins and then one of them some how managed to infiltrate into my neighbors yard. He's happily mowing around his new predator. Mostly because he felt bad that largest creation in my garden was now rightfully his….because possession is 9/10 of the law! I guess the grass is always greener on the other side…..and I learned that lesson from a "traitor pumpkin".

Seriously…..does he have to rub it into “my pumpkins” face. All day…..endlessly growing & basking in the thought that he made the right decision to jump ship while the jumping was still good! That pumpkin is seriously an asshole & I’m happy he left us…..because we’re a good happy garden of misfits and his arrogance was only bringing down our morale!

Today GG & I were trimming away some of the vines, mostly to help TPG out because they were exceeding the “allowable garden space”. More then once I saw him smile with extreme pleasure as he mowed over the vines because they were on the verge of infiltrating his personal space too. By mistake…..I trimmed one of the watermelons off of the vine. I was a little pissed at first but got over it quickly when I considered the viney mess was completely out of control ….there was bound to be more casualties involved…. And I was thankful GG & I both made it out alive. Besides…it was about time GG got to enjoy “the fruits of her labor”.

Here is GG with our first garden treat of the summer. A delicious watermelon…..look…..it’s obviously a watermelon.....prematurely picked but a watermelon none the less! She was so excited & proud!! Just look at her little future 4H face beaming!

Except.....

What the hell! Oh No! That’s not a watermelon…..it’s a f*cking pumpkin! Seriously folks……a green pumpkin disguised exactly like a watermelon….. and she was PISSED! I’ve never even seen such a site in my entire life. What the hell are we growing out there anyway….some kind of mutant hybrid …water-kins….or pumkmelon? I believe I am competent enough in my skills as a first time gardener to know & understand the difference between a pumpkin & a watermelon.....or at least I thought I was. Boy was I wrong!

I now completely understand the traitor ghost pumpkin after all. He was trying to get the hell out of our mutant garden before it was too late!!! Even pumpkins have a sence of self-preservation too.....at least I did learn that lesson from this fiasco! I’m now wondering what kind of fertilizer TPG used ….. and if anything out there is truly edible.

Obama Mama.....Oh Boy!

FINALLY! The day the entire nation has waited so patiently for. I was more then pleased to be standing in line at the polls just before 7am this morning!

History is being made today and I am excited to be apart of it! However ..... it's not been an easy fight....holding my ground considering the recent events that have lead up to this historical day. I've decided to share my story with a picture enhanced essay.....the short version.

It all began this past Friday evening. I was having a pleasant, non-hostile conversation regarding the upcoming election, including the presidential candidates as well as a few local issues on the ballot. I quickly realized why I usually keep my political views to myself but considering I was with FAMILY..... I felt as though I could express my opinion with minimal judgment. I was FUCKING WRONG.... OH ..... SO WRONG! The non-hostile conversation quickly became some sort of distorted debate with an excessive amount of political smears...... lots of repeats from advertisements and fabricated stories from botched websites. It was so much fun....even if I had been numbered 10-1, hiding in the corner...... crouched down in the fetal position....I held my ground.

These people were Republican Wolves! The rabid kind...foaming at the mouth, swarming around me .....waiting for their ring leader to attack the innocent prey. After the political escapade was finally over and I regained my composure.....I felt the need to retaliate. With Vengeance! The following day we were all attending a baby shower for a family member who wasn't involved with the "negative campaigning" (must be a republican thing) the previous night.

At this point I felt the wolves were now one up on me. I couldn't let them feel the satisfaction of "winning" .... so I arrived at the baby shower wearing this..... silver glittering .....picture doesn't even do it justice.... home made shirt.


Can you believe I made this little get up myself? Lovely isn't it?!?!? I've already had 3 request to make them one, not to even mention the numerous question asking where I bought it!

Everything at the baby shower went surprisingly well with a the exception of a few stares or comments made under their breath. The score was now even and I felt complete satisfaction after seeing the shock on the faces from the same attackers just hours before.

A few days pass by without incident. That is until yesterday when I arrived home to find a package on my doorstep. It was wrapped in the Sunday comics (dead give away to the culprit) with a note that said "To the Obama Home....Love, John McCain". I opened this suspicious package to find a Limited Edition Collectors doll from The Ashton-Drake Co. Not just any doll either.....a rather small doll named KENDALL (GG's real name) and this particular treasure happened to be BLACK! Now if you know this doll company...you'll know that's a rather expensive "gag gift" considering the price alone is nearly $60. I was laughing so hard I nearly pissed my pants. "OH NO" I realized in the midst of my joy.....the score was no longer even...they were again ...one up on me.


Not to be out done by my campaigning competition....I devised a master plan. Unfortunately, Barack Obama winning the Presidency today simply isn't enough of a victory for me. I needed to take it to the next level!

The culprit is my Great Aunt Judy! She was a member of the Chicago 2008 Girlfriends Get-A-Way ...... and she really is GREAT...even without the actual title of being my Mom's aunt. The comic wrap job is a signature trademark on all of her so called pranks. Her only sister was my wonderful Grandmother Joann, who passed away in 2001. Aunt Judy has an amazing sense of humor and we all laugh & carry on when all of us are together. After her little doorway delivery yesterday....I made her a special gift and mailed it out this morning to her home.


The package included a thank you note accepting their gift graciously and letting her know that Change was on the way over the next 4 years as I plan to be a great leader! Signed "Barack "The Big O".

This hot little piggy was given to me by my Grandma Joann before she passed away. It was one of the many silly things she collected at the garage sales she loved to shop at so much. It's fate was decided yesterday as I planned to pass her along to Aunt Judy. I wasn't sad to part with Ms.Piggy either because I know she'll be taken care of. Please pray that she makes a safe arrival to her destination.....tomorrow. I am seriously worried that she may be damaged along her "campaign trail".

Now that the final day is here....I am pleased to know that we have settled our difference as mature adults and I look forward to seeing everyone over the Holidays......while I wear my shirt proudly. I think I might add something fun to the back of it.....and suggestions?

Beat My Chicken.....

Oh....I'm sorry! I meant "Eat Mor Chikin"

Here's Good Girl's Happy Ween 2008 costume.

Chick-Fila Cow

I couldn't believe the enormous response to her costume! She was voted "Best Costume" in our neighborhood and people were going out of their way to come up and see her. I wasn't expecting all the attention .......I mean....geez, she's just a cow! GG was loving the spot light! She would "moo" and the occasionally bark like a puppy. When she finally realized that a simple "tick teet" would filll her spider bucket up with chocolate treats....that shit was on! She was great about saying thank you too, which totally surprised me.

The highlight of my 2008 beggars night came when she started telling people to "Eat Mor Chikin".......but she eventually she forgot what or how to say it. Being the genius 2yr old that she is.....she totally compromised with...... "Beat My Chicken". Her fans went crazy, taking pictures while laughing and she continued to march around the yard drawing a bigger & bigger crowd.

Even better......the cow costume was an old hand-me-down and it didn't cost a dime! I made the signs at work...for free! My only expense for the halloween gig was the spider bucket that can be used year after year and I dropped a whole $3 on it at the weekend warehouse! Watching GG march around our front yard like a New York City street performer .....singing "Beat My Chicken".....PRICELESS!!!

Happy "Ween"

at least that's what GG would say!

I'm sorry I've not posted this week. I've been feeling sick, incredibly busy and received more bad news about my mom's cancer. I'll try to post more next week when things hopefully return back to normal.....or at least Kimmguru Normal.....which isn't really considered normal to most!

Enough with the sad poor me party. It's Halloween and it's such a great reason to celebrate....bitches!

Tonight is the the debut of Bobby Light and his Dirty Girl for the big costume party. I must secretly admit that my idea of a Dirty Girl is so dead on to Peggy Bundy that I've really considered telling people that's who I am tonight.

So.....have fun & be safe!

Coming to the rescue.....

The Pepsi Guy decided that he wanted to be "Bobby Light" from Rob & Big as his Halloween Costume this year. We have a great party to go to and the costumes really should be excellent from what we've heard so far!


There was no changing his mind about it either.....regardless of my persuasive tactics at encouraging the Bush & Tush ideal!So, in supporting TPG in his Big Halloween Adventure, I have been asked to go as a "dirty girl". I shit you not! I don't really mind because the costume is actually pretty easy, so you would think. I picked up these gem of a pant at the local thrift store for $1.
Skin thigh leopard print stretch pants. Seriously folks....it doesn't get any trasher then that right there! These pants are such a big hit at my house that I would have possibly paid nearly $2 if I'd known the love they've been shown.

I think TPG has a thing for trashy, dirty girls! GG loves the pants even more the he does....like that's possible! I have to keep these gems hidden from her....because if she even spots a glimpse of them, she'll ask me to put on my "Diego Pants".

I'm glad Halloween is just a few weeks away. I'm afraid that if I have to wear these pants one more time I may have a debilitating limp from the wicked camel toe.

Thousand Word Thursday.....

Here's this weeks Thousand Word Thursday hosted by Jen at Cheaper Then Therapy. Please head over there and check out all the other "players" who have posted some really great photos!


This is the expression I get from Good Girl when I tell her she isn't going to get another Popsicle. I think she is trying to scream something along the lines of "More Cooks". Cooks are what she actually calls popsicles and regardless of the amount of correction......they are still called cooks.

It's nice because when she wants me to "cook" all I have to do is pull out a popsicle and all is well in our home!

Meet Maggie.....

Maggie Mae "Guru" aka..... Maggie Moose.

"Moose" has been our beloved pet for the past 10 years. She is an old 85lb. hound/coon dog and we've converted her into a city slicker. She still has some of her own breed (whatever that may be) characteristics like incredible super hero smelling powers, insatiable appetite, stubbornness and complete laziness. When someone wants to know how big she is, I'll always tell them " She the size of a 4th Grader".

The Pepsi Guy and I like to joke about how she "lives the life of luxury". Maggie was our very first experiment as being parents. I think we succeeded in giving her a life that most mutts would only dream of. She sleeps most hours of the day in OUR bed, right in between us during the night, she eats diner with us, has a nice big fenced yard that can be accessed at any time and a loving neighbor who showers her with milk bones EVERY TIME she is outside, multiple times a day.

Without a doubt, Maggie is TPG's dog. Their relationship would be sickening to most normal people and probably illegal in all 48 continental states. Our dog will greet TPG at the door with a smile....yeah, she really smiles, and he greets her with lots of hugs & kisses...usually with his mouth open because that's the way she likes it! This same dog won't even get out of bed when I come home from a long day and I practically have to force her out of bed in the morning to pee before I head to work.

GG simply adores Maggie and her name was actually one of GG's first words. Until recently, every dog we ever encountered was called a "Maggie". GG has been using her imagination more & more lately and her favorite game is to "play puppy". It's annoying cute! Unfortunately Maggie doesn't like GG nearly as much. She's actually quite annoyed all the time with this small human who has some how taken over the home she once ruled. Even though Maggie basically tries to ignore GG at all cost, she can't help but love & protect the small bully child.

It saddens me to think that Maggie will not be with us much longer. She is 10 years old now and I can see how the years have effected her large body. She just isn't as playful and spunky as she was before we brought GG home the hospital. When the day comes for Maggie Moose to pass, TPG & I will be devastated....just as I am *teary* eyed typing it out.

But for now Maggie is alive & well!!! I love this picture of GG & Maggie Moose in the back of my truck.
Look at GG's face!!!! I think Maggie farted and she got a big wiff of it. *Priceless*

Besides introducing you to Maggie, this post has ulterior motives. You see Christmas is just around the corner! I can't think of a single gift to tell Santa Claus that GG would like to have. It's no big secret that she hasn't really been that great and if TPG weren't the Fat Jolly Man himself......she probably just get a few cat turds under the tree with a 1/2 eaten candy cane.

I'm trying, with all thing festive in my heart & soul to convince TPG to let GG get a puppy for Christmas. She is the perfect age for a tiny little buddy to frolic under her feet, while running through flowering meadows in the Spring time. Can you see it? I can almost smell the flowers now! But TPG is a stubborn old goon....and he doesn't see it, or let alone smell it! *JERK* He's afraid that he'll betray Maggie and she'll live her last moments as a bitter old hag and that he'll be to blame for her misery. I told him to blame me because she doesn't even like anyway!! I told him that a puppy may be what Maggie need to get her grove back...Stella Style! I'm still working on him & I may need to bust out the reinforcements..... like lingerie or Grand Parents.

In the mean time.....do you guys have any kid friendly breed suggestion? Or stories of your own beloved pets that are aging or have passed away?

It's that time of year.....

Fall in our home represents many different things. One of our favorite adventures starts this Saturday and continues on until the end of April!

Good Girl starts gymnastics again.....and boy is she super excited! I finally told her over the weekend that we were getting ready to start the new session after having the long summer off. She was so excited about the news, she felt obligated to start practicing at that very moment.

GG's weekend was filled with somersaults, marching, tip toe walking, jumping and spinning in circles until she fell to the floor giggling! TPG and I love taking the class with GG because she really does so well on all of the apparatuses. It's almost like it's her natural ability to hang upside down like a monkey and swing from ropes. One of our instructors said GG has the potential to be an excellent gymnast and has a lot of the things they look for to build their competitive team....which I took as...open up the pocket book and start dishing out the funds! The only problem is, she gets bored easily when another classmate don't "pick up" as easily as she does....so she wants to do what the 4-5 yr olds are doing. It absolutely takes TPG and I both to tag team her energy during the class, while other children easily accomplish the same things with just one parent.

So here she is doing one of the things she is as passionate about as bubbles, Dora the Explorer and riding her tricycle backwards!

Marching with her Daddy

She loved to swing on the rope!

The bar is one of her best apparatuses!

I can hardly keep up with her on the balance beam!

Dear Good Girl,
I hope you do exceptionally well at gymnastics! Not that I don't want you to do well at other things in life but this particular hobby is your meal ticket to college. I am discussing this with you in advance so it's no surprise to you in the future when we explain that your college savings was spent by funding your passion as an adolescent for competitive gymnastics . Therefore, you have no choice but to get an athletic scholarship to fund your higher education or get a job at McDonald's selling double cheeseburgers off the dollar menu. Just know TPG & I did the best we can!

Good Luck!
Mama

A Thousand Word Thursday

Jen over at Cheaper then Therapy has started "A Thousand Word Thursday". What a great way to share your favorite pictures with all of your blogging friends.

I know , I know...... I've been a bit harsh this week with the Ugly Butts, Addiction Recovery and Hating Mr. BIGWOOD......so I decided to post a happy picture.

Good Girl, Siesta Keys Florida, April 2008

If I could only take one photograph to cherish the rest of my life as a mother. It would have to be this picture....HANDS DOWN!

Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall.....

I am officially a mother who has suffered a traumatic event that will forever change the relationship I have with my child.

I pride myself in knowing that I can handle the most stressful situations head on with a calm and tactful approach that has been proven time and time again to work. I am mentally strong! TPG on the other hand is far more emotional, always expects the worse outcome and extremely squeamish and disgusted at the first sight of blood, gore or needles. He's a Big Fat Sissy!

Last Monday afternoon, while I was at work, TPG and GG were enjoying a nice bubble bath. As TPG got out and started to shave at the sink, he let her continue to play while the water was draining out. Moments later GG said "Wook Sissy!!!"as she proceeded to show him her new fun trick "Jumping". Apparently jumping with bubbles and water involved is far more impressive then just regular jumping. Before TPG realized exactly what she was about to do….she slipped, fell and busted the bottom of her chin open on the side of our new bathtub. She began bleeding on impact as TPG started to freak out. He was covered in shave cream, she in blood stained bubbles, both completely naked. He called me at work moments after he applied pressure to her chin and started to stop the bleeding.

I met him a few minutes later at the Emergency Room where we spent the next 4.5 hours with a sweet little but extremely tough baby girl. She would tell me, "Mama what happened? My Boo Boo!" then continued to run and play with the other children also waiting. It was obvious that we were a perfect fit during our timely stay. I'm mean sure...GG is wearing mismatched pajamas crazy shoes that may or may not have actually fit with her wet crazy hair that desperately needed to be brushed. TPG throw on the first thing that he could grab which included a pair of basketball shorts that he DESPERATELY needed to be wearing underwear with. Seriously TPG...your junk was all over the place and I saw people talking/pointing when you went to the restroom. They probably thought I was their social worker with my suit & sassy heels on.

Once we were finally back in our room, the doctor came in to explain how the procedure was going to take place. GG immediately knew something was about to go down and she would ultimately be involved! I was holding her in my arms when she hugged me close to her and said "Mama, help me please!". It was something I will never forget. There wasn't any thing I could do to help her and it made me tear up knowing she was looking to me for her safety and most importantly ..... strength! TPG started to tear up too because he knew how hard it was for me to hear her little plea for help.

Once the doctor came back into the room GG was rolled up like a burrito, which was funny because she thought she was going to eat a burrito when they explained it to us. They blind folded her and began to sew up our scared little girl. The entire procedure was over in a few extremely difficult to watch minutes. TPG nearly passed out and couldn't bare to watch them sew her back together. GG received 6 stitched to the bottom of her chin and she took it like a champ! I was talking to her the entire time while trying to keep her calm. She reassured me that she was Good Girl and that she loved ice cream.

Once the traumatic event was finally over and I held her in my arms again, she turned to the doctor and told her "Thank you. Good Job!" and finally "I love you!". The doctor said that was the sweetest thing she had ever been told by a little one she pieced back together.

GG would not keep a band-aide over her stitches but she didn't even really know they are there. Every now and again she'd reach for my hand to scratch them for her but she won't touch them. The stitches were removed on Saturday, without incident and she'll make a full recovery!

It was absolutely the hardest thing TPG & I have ever been through as parents. GG knows we'll always there for her and she has been so extremely sweet to us, especially me because I was there for her and made her feel safe, when really all I did was hold her, confess my love for ice cream too and be her mama.

This picture was taken the next day while she was sleeping in her car seat. They look so much bigger in the picture then they really were.

I mean it.....

I have started to notice more and more that every thing TPG & I say is now being repeated by GG. I knew this day would come, it just came FASTER then we expected.

Apparently, I often say the following phrases:

• I mean it
• I see you
• Listen to me
  
• Oh Boy!

She has incorporated these phrases into her everyday conversation and sometimes it's very interesting. Especially when she combines them all together like "Oh boy, I see you! Listen to me, I mean it!" which actually happens quite a bit.....bossy little 2yr old!

The Pepsi Guy's vocabulary is a bit more graphic to say the least, especially while on the telephone with his "boyfriends". I have often asked him to watch the uses of his expletive vocabulary in front of GG. He would catch himself after the fact and I would give him the look.

Last week while cruising through the drive thru, TPG was rather anxious and loudly proclaimed "Move up Bitch". Moments later from the back seat.....guess what we heard in Slow Motion. Our hearts stopped beating for what seems like an eternity as our sweet little girl proudly announces "M O V E- I T- B I S H" (that's the reenactment in slow motion). After the awkward moment of silence and The Look, I asked TPG if he were proud of himself. I shamed him by explaining how the innocence of our sweet child is now gone.....GONE FOREVER!

It's obvious that my hard tactics have made an improvement, at least I like to think so. However, I truly know that for TPG to hear GG's profane laced potty mouth has really made an impact on his daily life. He now uses words like shoot, heck, darn and my personal favorite .... stinken!

So.....great job TPG! Keep up the good work you .... C*@k S*%&ing S@n *f @ B*%#$@H! I'm STINKEN proud of you!

Good Night Moon.....

I'm sure some of you have at some point have read this story to your child at bed time. It's a classic and kids just love it. I enjoy reading to GG and she seems to enjoy it as well. I think she just likes to tear the books from my motherly death grip and take off running. It's still something that just we do together at bed time and it's a moment I really enjoy sharing with her..... even more so last night then usual.

I read her a new book last night. One that I hadn't read before but it's been sitting on her book shelf for some time. The book was called "Love You Forever" by Robert Munsch.

It really was the sweetest book but it touched me in ways that I child's book has never done. The mother is this story loved to sing to her son;

I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My baby you'll be

I would actually sing the lyrics to her as she tried to cover my mouth to make me stop. Finally she ripped the book from my hands to toss it over board, she started to sing:

Happy Birthday twinkle twinkle little star.

I tucked her into bed and off to sleepy land she went. I continued to think about the book and how it made me feel. I tried to explain to TPG but he simply didn't understand.

This morning as I was about to head off to work, GG came out of her bedroom. She must have waken up, went to her bookshelf to find this book then she brought it to me and said "please read it". It was so sweet! I couldn't believe she actually found the book on her shelf because I didn't think she had even payed much attention to it. It's the first time she has ever brought me a book in the morning....that's kind of our evening activity. Apparently "Love You Forever" had made as much of an impact on GG as it had me. She was actually upset when I left for work. She normally doesn't mind as she waves bye & blows me kisses but today was different. She wanted me to sing to her again.

I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My baby you'll be

If you like to read to your children then I recommend that you check this book out. It amazing how reading a simple little children's book can change the relationship you have with your child.....even if it is for just one morning!

The Bi-annual Gaston Family Reunion.....

Wow! The unthinkable has finally happened! I've already told you about the once annual but now bi-annual Gaston Family Reunion tradition and about the competitiveness that explodes amongst all members, new & old, to claim the Gaston Family Cup.

I am pleased to announce that 2008 is the year of the WOMEN!!!!

As you already know, GG won the Junior Cup back in June by beating all of the other "future" competitors with a good old fashion sucker pull. The Adults had the opportunity to reclaim their stake on the original Gaston Cup by competing in an event that test your skills of driving a Croquet ball as close to the stationary post as possible. It sounds easy enough but hence the word SOUNDS easy because it was actually quite the challenge! There were many obstacles inhibiting you to do as well as you thought you could, such as the tall grass, the post was an excruciating 20 yards away and of course the heckling crowd.

There were many close calls, including mine. In the end, Angie whom you may remember from here & here was victorious! She is the first woman in history to win The Gaston Cup! It was a victory for all woman and a new competitiveness has been born inside of all of us. Because NOW we know we CAN WIN!!!! I know Angie will do the cup proud this next reigning year by gloating and repeating that victory dance that almost broke her husbands back and I'll cheer her on the entire way. I just hope next year she's ready because I'm bigger & stronger then her and I'm not going down without a FIGHT to the death!

For the record......TPG was really lousy at the game. What a disappointment! He really needs to step up his competitive edge if he wants to make it in this family. We can't ride GG's coat tails forever you know!

Looky what I can do.....

We have officially started ...... need I say it ..... POTTY TRAINING.

We've had kind of a lazy start, meaning I've been lazy about it. I'm just not ready to dedicate ALL OF MY TIME to toilet training. I'm seriously okay with the whole diaper thing ... for a few more months ....or even years! I would be totally okay with it ..... IF SHE WOULD KEEP THEM ON!

So, now I'm faced with the dilemma of letting my mini-nudest roam the house bare bottomed like some kind of feral child or buckle down and train her to use the damn pot!

So here we go .....
Countless times I've had her sitting there .... without any success. I'll step outside into the hallway and give her the much needed privacy she demands. I'll let her watch me use the bathroom and she'll cheer me on with high fives and special jumping acrobatics. Then it's GG's turn to demonstrate what she's just learned. We'll go through the motions of making the "psssst" noises, flushing, waving bye-bye to the non-existent disposal, washing our hands with our new big kid soap and finish up with an encouraging words of "Almost, maybe next time!"

She enjoys the freedom of wearing the new big girl panties we just got her. They seem to help me at least identify the so called "pee-pee dance". So we'll rush off again, time after time to the potty ....... but she still won't go. I catch her moments later, hiding in the corner & peeing her in the "Big Panyee" as GG calls them.

I decided the fun has to end! No more nonsense in the bathroom is my new policy! No more flushing invisible turds or washing hands that are not soiled. Those are privileges to be experienced by children of the potty trained stature!

Wouldn't you know ...... my no nonsense approach is working..... well, at least better then the "We'll do it your way GG" style ever did.

She said...... "I do it" and giggled the the entire time she tinkled in the toilet!!! I cheered and gave out high fives as I did the silly jumps she does for me.... and it was a good day. I'm hoping all of this "patients" will be rewarded sooner then later. I know we are a long ways off from being completely trained and that she just turned 2 a few days ago. But I have already learned a few things.

1. It's really creepy letting your kid watch you pee.
2. TPG stands up to pee and it's rather confusing to GG.
3. Buy more "Big Panties"
4. And finally ...... GG, your way SUCKS!

Does anyone out their have any great tips for a newbie trainer working with stubborn trainee girl? Besides, wine......I've heard wine is helpful to trainers every where!