Inspiration is found.....

In the most unusual places. In my particular case it was located in Kentucky..... at the lake house this past weekend. A stranger approached me at a small gathering on Friday prior to the 4th of July. His name was John and this particular man was missing a leg. Inspiring to say the least as he played corn hole and mingled amongst the other guest. It was then that he spotted me as I sat quietly rocking Good Girl in my arms. I heard him say out loud from across the room .... "Sue! Look she's here! The guru girl is here and she has GG with her!".

The Seed Had Been Planted!

A complete stranger had read my blog and recognized me. However this recognition was bitter sweet for me......knowing how I'd left my few faithful readers high & dry for so many long months.

We continued to chat for a good while as he told me how he found me. He "googled" Dixie Bend Retreat and one of my post was the first to appear. He read my story ....several times ....laughing endlessly ...... then decided to share it with Sue, his wife. They continued to read my blog and recognized my family. It's an easy leap to make considering we're pretty much the ass clowns of the retreat.

During our conversation he asked me why I no longer continued to write. I was coming up short! I had no logical, or even a fairly decent excuse to give him. His question made me feel strangely guilty and it was at that moment that I decided to give it another try.

I mean seriously folks.......I'm practically a celebrity now.....at least in Kentucky. How can I, in good conscience keep all of this literary greatness to myself any longer?

The Lake weekend.....

I've decided to not post in words about my adult weekend at the lake with The Mac's and company. Besides, you wouldn't believe me if I did! Instead, I've elected to post a few pictures and let you make up your own story.

Go for it! Give it a try & feel free to leave me a comment telling me your version.

THE END!

Some things never change but the memories just get funnier .....

A 10 year Class Reunion Story......

I know I've mentioned it several times but have yet to blog about it in detail.

Middletown High School Class of 1998 Ten Year Class Reunion

The Guru's

Often imitated. Never duplicated!

You see, I'm the type pf person who will be extremely pissed off for 2 hours and then move on to something else that's a complete waste of my time. Unlike TPG who is absolutely the biggest grudge holder I know..... besides his mother, I know he gets it honest! Just last week at his 10 year class reunion, he pointed out a girl, now a woman, and stated "I hate that bitch, she flicked a booger on me in 2nd grade & I still hate her!". I couldn't help but laugh...out loud....for several minutes. I found it to be so funny because I know he will take that memory to his grave and never forgive his 2nd grade booger flicking nemeses.

L-R: Schiavone, Brown, The Pepsi Guy, Dickhead

I myself am a Lemon-Monroe Class of '96 Alumni, which is the smaller "sister school" and a big rivalry to TPG's high school. I didn't go to my 10 year class reunion because I delivered GG on a Thursday and the gathering was on Saturday. I guess I wasn't feeling on top of game nor could I fit into my senior year prom gown! So you can probably tell I wasn't really looking forward to this particular event.


I told some friends of ours, who are on the reunion committee (see pic below "doing their own thing"), of my plans to raise a bunch of hell at the country club considering I was a "Monroe Girl". I've dated TPG every day for over 10 years. That's a very long time considering I was a sophomore in college and he was a senior in high school. During that time we've met and befriended many if each others old friends and even some past lovers. We planned to attend the event with "Dickhead" and his GF who we'll call "Katie Perry" (long story but she wanted to kiss me like 1,312 times when I met her & I just so happened to be wearing cherry chap stick.) The evening went well, the food was great, the drinks were expensive, the music was nostalgic and the conversations were ..... mostly lame. I even ran into several other LMHS alumni but our hell raising was kept to a minimal!

LMHS 1996 Alumni
Kimmguru, looking like I need to eat a sandwich & Alan G. We were actually really good friends in high school. weed = friends 4 ever, apparently)

Come to find out TPG was kind of the secret crush for most of the "popular" girls. He was kind of the bad boy, didn't give a damn, causing trouble-didn't get caught, athletic, smart hot guy. Don't get me wrong! I think TPG is very handsome & I love him dearly but to see & hear stories of "The Prom Queen" and "Cheerleading Captain" gushing over him was fucking hilarious! Apparently one dateless chic missed the fact that he was MARRIED and was trying to break his neck on the dance floor. I was LMAO as he was trying to escape her grasp to no avail. I finally decided to rescue him after his man-handling and he was more then thankful but unfortunately, his predator took a seat and watched a real woman work her man on the dance floor!

The chic with the purple bag is searching for her prey. Someone should have warned TPG!

Which one of these kids is doing their own thing? Which on of this kids is not like the other?

Dickhead & KP ended up fighting 1/2 the time but fortunately made up again in the ladies restroom. No lie, I'm pissing way another one of my 12 cherry vodka & 7ups (so he tells me) and low & behold I see feet, as in 2 pair of feet in the stall next to me! I was cracking up & trying not to piss on kick ass shoes. I couldn't wait to run out & tell KP and then I discoverd it WAS KATIE PERRY & DICKHEAD. Okay, seriously...who does that shit! I had to tell someone and since it was about the SOMEONE I wanted to tell ...... I told the chic with the sunglasses (see man-handled pic) on instead. We ended up taking a picture of their feet in the stall & blackmailing them later in the evening for more drinks at the bar we closed down. Our evening ended with a 4am skinny dip at a friends house and of course ...... another fight between DH & KP. All in all it was a great time, no one puked, we had a DD for the evening and the hangover was minimal.

Here's to you "DUE" my future Son-In-Law

TPG and I are getting our new mobile phone today. I spent most of my yesterday "working" and downloading a lot of my pics from the phone to my photobook account. It was nostalgic looking back over the past 2 years of memories in GG's life. Then there was this little shit-head boy in a lot of my pics. His name is Drew and he's my future Son-In-Law. His father is TPG best friend since they were 4 years old. Those two are as "thick as thieves" someone one said and now we are raising our children together.

Drew's father we'll call "Dickhead" because he was a drunken asshole at their class reunion this past weekend, is a single father. It's hard to be a single parent these days & Dickhead doing well, as well as can be expected! We spend a lot of time with them and GG & Drew are big buddies. In the past few weeks Drew has been fascinated with showing everyone his wiener. GG is no exception but when she saw his little mini she gave him a very disappointed "raspberry" and continued on playing. It was hysterical....but I know one day she may actually be giving that thing "raspberries". I always mess with the children's fathers but telling them that one day "those two are going to have sex". For some reason, it's just not as funny to then as it is to me!

So here's a few of the photo's of Drew & GG. One day we'll all look back & I'll say...... "I told you my she was going to marry a dickhead"!

And finally, here is The Pepsi Guy and Dickhead. Still together after 24 years!

(L-Thick, R-Thief)

I've been returned ....against my WILL!!!!

It's unfortunate that I'm writing this post because that means I have officially returned from my Girlfriends trip to Chicago. Please understand that I've actually been home for days now but I have "officially" checked back into reality!

You should be pleased to know that TPG and GG have successfully survived 4 days without me. Any longer and I may have been writing a much different post! When I say survived......well that's basically what they did...... it wasn't pretty. TPG has shown much appreciation and gratitude towards my role as the primary care giver and the two of them were relieved and grateful that I did actually return home and not become one of those "Mommy went out for a pack of cigarettes in 1982" stories.

Our Girlfriend's weekend was wonderful! We laughed, we cried.......... we laughed so hard we cried while creating many outrageously funny stories to share and cherish the rest of lives.

The whole Girlfriends thing started years & years ago when my Grandmother Joan & her only sister Judy started taking weekend long trips with their girlfriends. They shared these trips for years & I even remember their trips from my early childhood. My Grandmother passed away 7 years ago and there haven't been any trips since then. My Great Aunt Judy is the only surviving member of the original Girlfriends. I was honored and pleased to be apart of the next generation of the tradition my family & close friends have shared for over 4 decades.

Here are a few of the adventures we shared on our 2008 Girlfriends in Chicago!

L to R : Kimmguru, Billie Elaine (my Mom), Angie (my Aunt, her sister), Judy (my Great Aunt, their Aunt)

This is one of my favorite pictures of our Chicago Adventure. We took an evening horse drawn carriage ride through the city and it really was amazing.

We shopped for days & then some how shopped more! I am actually a SHOPPER & I completely shopped myself out! There's really a lot more to do in this city then just The Magnificent Mile .... we only failed to see past sale racks and the sticker shock that we just don't really have in my small Ohio town. We spent one morning in the salon getting very expensive manicures..... because manicures are what Girlfriends do.

My husband The Pepsi Guy.....should be so proud!

There comes a point when you know YOU probably had too many Margaritas, especially when their at about $12 a piece.... and you quit counting. The delightful pleasure of the tequila & salty lime goodness was a pure indulgence that I simply couldn't deny myself any longer. Here is what Chicago was like ...... a little inebriated!













We have already planned the destination for our next Girlfriends Getaway! Amish Country ......... Here we come! I have a feeling I'll be bringing my own bottle for that trip!

Damn Hedgeapples.....

As I described the softball size, ant infested, growing from the trees, weapons of mass destruction, "green ball things" in my last post I discovered they are actually call "Hedgeapples".

Have you ever had a hedgeapple thrown at your head at approximately 40mph? Imagine getting hit by one, the first initial contact knocks you down and then there is the stinging, the instant swelling, next the vibrant colors of bruising set in. Then you finally catch your breath and when you try to stand back up the week long limp begins to become more obvious with each painful step.

Sounds like great fun! Are you up for a game of Hedgeapple War?

South Main Street

I always knew growing up that I might ..... just not make it! *tear*

There were five other children in my household and all within 5 years in age. It has been my experience with that many kids fighting for a place in the "hierarchy of adolescences", you learn to distinguish yourself rather quickly or you fall into the cracks. Survival of the Fittest, if you will. It is unfortunate to tell you that I was & still am the youngest of these five children and I spent most of my childhood proving to them that I was a big kid too. That also meant I was badly bruised, beat up & tortured ..... A LOT! I know that my childhood absolutely established the foundation and defined my character of today. A character that developed by the guidance of the strongest woman I've ever known, Joann.

It's funny to look back at the nostalgic memories of my early years and wonder ......How The Hell Did I Ever Survive Them?!?!?!?!? Children of today would've never made it down on South Main Street! There is no question about it. The kids of today are soft, sensitive with emotions, disrespectful and out of shape due to this era of technology!

We never had Game boy's , computers or other luxury items such as CABLE! We had each other and we had outside! There were no such things as sunblock, swimming pools, bike helmets or MERCY in the world I grew up in! But there were two things I remember we never ran out of, Imagination and Unsupervision! Probably the most dangerous it nontangiable things you can give a child.....or five of them!

My role in the hierarchy was that of The Guinea Pig. If something needed to be tested for safety purposes, weight restriction or just a good laugh..... well I was the child sacrifice. There was no negotiating, there where no questions asked..... it was my job to complete the task and make sure "everyone" could participate.

By the time my 10th birthday had arrived, I was the victim of stitches, 11 times, all in the head or face region. Never once did I receive stitches in any other part of the body nor did I break a single bone in my body. I guess lacerations and puncture wounds were just my thing.

Injuries of this sort were easily sustained by playing games like:

• Let's see if we can fold Kimmy ALL THE WAY up in the hide-away bed.
• Let's see if Kimmy can jump off the shed by swinging from the very thin branches of the neighboring berry tree during our "Army Recon" mission.
  
• Let's have Kimmy & Angie (who only played the role of guinea pig for this game & was bigger/stronger/older then I) collect all the softball size, ant infested, growing from the tree, weapons of mass destruction, "green ball things" from the field for the boys, who still continued to wing them at the their opponents, despite the fact our heads were in the line of fire!!! *damn those things hurt*
• Let's see if Kimmy can carry me on her shoulders, while I rock back and forth, down a flight of stairs! *thanks for the lovely scar ANGIE!*

All of these games are absolutely and completely true and NOT.....I repeat NOT figments of my imagination! It's been years since I sat down & thought about all of this stuff. I laugh at how dangerous some of these things were & I hope GG never has to play the role of someone's Guinea Pig, that she is smart enough to be the leader & not a sheepish follower.

Then I remember..........these people have KIDS themselves and they are all OLDER then GG! I think it's time to invest in a good helmet & AFLAC!

*the vicious cycle repeats itself*