A Green-ish Thumb.....

I only say “green-ish” because I was actually successful at growing some stuff!

Since I've become a stay-at-home mom last fall, I’ve become surprisingly domesticated in more ways then The Pepsi Guy or I ever imagined possible. One of these particular adventures began in the earliest of spring. GG & I decided that we were going to start a vegetable garden. TPG was against the idea from the get go! I’m sure he heavily considered the possibility that this would just be another “project” he would assume the responsibility for……like the cats.

In March, GG & I started with seeds and planted them in one of those indoor things. They grew as expected which only made our new commitment more …... committed. When the weather finally broke….TPG dug up and fertilized our very small plot….or grave site as he refers to it. The 4’X10’ plot was the only allowable space we would give us in “his” back yard. We were finally ready to plant and nurture our new hobby.

I’ll admit that it didn’t look promising that first month or so. I was actually less committed to watering the new garden ……the signs were pretty obvious. We planted 8 regular tomato plants, 8 cherry toe tomato plants, 8 cucumber plants, 4 Watermelon & 4 pumpkin plants. After that first…..rather dry month, we had a few causalities. However, 4 of the regular tomato, 1 cherry toe tomato, 1 watermelon & 1 pumpkin….were all lucky enough to call themselves survivors.

Months have passed, we water on a regular basis and we flourished. I could see that we were going to be proud of our garden when the watermelon & pumpkins started to grow. Well…at least the vines were growing & Growing & GROWING!!!! Then it happened …one day there was fruit! The pumpkins were actually “Ghost” pumpkins and then one of them some how managed to infiltrate into my neighbors yard. He's happily mowing around his new predator. Mostly because he felt bad that largest creation in my garden was now rightfully his….because possession is 9/10 of the law! I guess the grass is always greener on the other side…..and I learned that lesson from a "traitor pumpkin".

Seriously…..does he have to rub it into “my pumpkins” face. All day…..endlessly growing & basking in the thought that he made the right decision to jump ship while the jumping was still good! That pumpkin is seriously an asshole & I’m happy he left us…..because we’re a good happy garden of misfits and his arrogance was only bringing down our morale!

Today GG & I were trimming away some of the vines, mostly to help TPG out because they were exceeding the “allowable garden space”. More then once I saw him smile with extreme pleasure as he mowed over the vines because they were on the verge of infiltrating his personal space too. By mistake…..I trimmed one of the watermelons off of the vine. I was a little pissed at first but got over it quickly when I considered the viney mess was completely out of control ….there was bound to be more casualties involved…. And I was thankful GG & I both made it out alive. Besides…it was about time GG got to enjoy “the fruits of her labor”.

Here is GG with our first garden treat of the summer. A delicious watermelon…..look…..it’s obviously a watermelon.....prematurely picked but a watermelon none the less! She was so excited & proud!! Just look at her little future 4H face beaming!

Except.....

What the hell! Oh No! That’s not a watermelon…..it’s a f*cking pumpkin! Seriously folks……a green pumpkin disguised exactly like a watermelon….. and she was PISSED! I’ve never even seen such a site in my entire life. What the hell are we growing out there anyway….some kind of mutant hybrid …water-kins….or pumkmelon? I believe I am competent enough in my skills as a first time gardener to know & understand the difference between a pumpkin & a watermelon.....or at least I thought I was. Boy was I wrong!

I now completely understand the traitor ghost pumpkin after all. He was trying to get the hell out of our mutant garden before it was too late!!! Even pumpkins have a sence of self-preservation too.....at least I did learn that lesson from this fiasco! I’m now wondering what kind of fertilizer TPG used ….. and if anything out there is truly edible.

My Transformation.....

I'm finished with my Blogger makeover. I was going to use a template from a site....blah, blah, blah but that shit is insanely confusing. That's unfortunate because I can actually read & alter HTML codes surprisingly well for not having any formal training.

As you already know, I'm lazy... so I just changed a few colors here and there and added a few thing "ghetto style" and *poof*....it's done and I'm satisfied for now. At least until I take the time to read some direction and quit thinking I'm actually smarter that I really am.

The most important thing...... I feel pretty!

Under Construction.....

I've decided to give myself a makeover.

It's not like you'll really even notice...unless you're one of my 4 readers. It's just that I'm pissed off today and I want to feel pretty instead!

So hang in there....it shouldn't take forever.....I hope!

The Blackout of 2008.....

On Sunday September 14, 2008 (yeah, I know it was weeks ago) my entire region was literary swept away by gust of winds that reached 80 mph for nearly 4 hours. It was said to be the remains of Hurricane Ike winds that wrapped around, without warning and wiped out over 200,000 home of electricity....for days. That number reached 600,000 home through Ohio & Kentucky. A few of those homes are still without power today.

This article doesn't even cover the story in detail. I know that what my neighbors and town went through that week is absolutely nothing compared to the devastation that Ike caused on the coast line of Texas and Louisiana. We are 1,500 miles away and we were hit hard. It really helps you appreciate what you have and brings a community together when you can help each other out.

Our home was one of the very few that never lost power during the wind storm. Actually, only our side of the street still had electricity, while the other side had nothing for 7 days. Every single person that I know in my area, which is a lot of people lost power for at least two days. We were literally the only people I knew who still had electricity! Our lights didn't even flicker and we never lost our satellite/cable television.

So we open our home to help those less fortunate. We housed family members, cooked meals, showered, offered room in a garage fridge and most importantly....supplied coffee and Monday Night Football to those in need. The first few days weren't bad and it was a great feeling to help others. BUT.....by day FOUR, I was dreading the evenings spent once again with my squatters, whom are wonderful people. I would take the long drive home and smoke a million cigarettes while trying to mentally prepare myself for the long evening ahead.

FINALLY, power was restored and we were able to resume of normal lives once again. I realized how we take the simple things like electricity, water, gas, ice, fast food restaurants and PRIVACY for granted . Everything is effected by POWER and if/when you have it taken it away, life is primitive.

Who wears the pants around here .....

They may be slightly larger and longer but they are definitely MY PANTS!!!!
* I can only say this because TPG doesn't read my blog*

Isn't it fun to play the game with your significant other ..... you know the game where "they think their making all the decisions but you conscientiously PERSUADE them to your way of thinking & they don't even know it"? We just recently started playing this game because the other game of "let me ask your opinion and then ultimately choose the opposite of what you said" got old & he finally caught on!

As you already know, we had a little mishap regarding GG trying to give our love seat a "perm". (thanks Malea). The few days prior to the purchase of new furniture, TPG had began to show of obvious signs of OCD. I began to notice how he could no longer pass the tarnished furnishing without stopping to take a closer look, reminding GG that what she had done wasn't nice and how now it's very ugly. I had to put an end to his misery when GG began to pick up his newest traits. I think her theatrical performance of "Oh no Ma'ma look. Nasty! UGLY! I did it!" was some what rehearsed but well worth his time.

Our Elder Beerman shopping experience was nothing short of hysterical. We briefly searched a few other locations but ended up with a final purchase of a brand spanking new living room suit from Value City Furniture. However they should seriously consider a name change to "City Furniture" because the Value as in PRICE wasn't any better then most places. We were drawn in by the larger selection and 1/2 price clearance signs in the window (so he thinks) but as you know we were headed there all along (because I said so). It was so wonderful to see TPG and GG hand in hand walking down every isle and testing out their potential purchase. GG ran from sofa to sofa bouncing from chair to love seat "testing the durability" I told the salesman, wearing herself out for a nap I secretly hoped.

TPG had his heart set & mind made up on a on a new sectional and love seat combo in the light tan, excuse me "Cobblestone" color. Even though we found several items we really loved, very few of them would have actually worked in the awkward space of the living room. However, I secretly persuaded him to look at the 3 piece suit I fell in love with immediately. He wasn't quite sold at first but we ended up purchasing "MY" choice in "Sage" to say the least. It has a pretty awesome corduroy microfiber textile. I'm not a fan of the traditional microfiber look because it shows EVERY SINGLE STAIN. In good measure, we also purchased the 7 year scotch guard warranty ...... which actually does cover "Couch Perming" because I definitely asked and believe it or not "Piss". Human or Animal bodily secretions are completely covered for 7 years. No questions asked....because sometime it's better if you just don't ask questions! The warranty is well worth the money spent because GG is more naked then ever with our potty training adventures and she has a lot of child-size orphases that bodily secretions seep out of! So I have at LEAST 7 years to get her potty trained and the other leaks fixed ..... SWEET!

Our new living room suit is being delivered on Thursday. Considering it's one of few real adult NEW furniture purchase, we went all out with the home delivery & warranty crap. We're such armatures!

So here it is, pictured without the love seat and a glass coffee table that we didn't purchase. We went for a more kid friendly one instead.

So, Thank You GG for ruining our other furniture. I just wanted to let you know that one day you'll be able to take our new living room suit off to college with you ...... since we used most of your savings to pay for it! Just kidding! We told her that in hopes that she wouldn't ruin it ....at least right away ..... but she just stared at us blankly while picking her nose. It's must have been quite the winner too!!!

This post is completely random .....

GG has been showing signs that she is ready to start toilet training. I have really tried to put off the whole "potty training" game with her because of our bathroom situation. Now, it looks like I have no choice in the matter! She will be having her 2nd birthday on August 3rd and many people tell me it's okay to start playing with the idea if she is "mature" enough. I think that's funny .... a "mature 2 yr. old". Last night she was "playing" in the playroom when she decided to remove her diaper and proceed to poop on the floor. Because she is so kind she decided to yell "Ma'ma come wook" I stalled a few moments before walking into my wonderful surprise. GG looks at me and says "So nasty, clean it". I couldn't help but laugh because it was pretty damn funny. That is until I had to clean it.

Now this isn't the first time we've had this issue. Just last week, when I came home from work, TPG was "napping" on the couch ..... which he does a lot. He claims that GG was "napping" next to him and must have awaken with him noticing. In all of her unsupervised glory, she removed her diaper and pooped once again in her playroom, except this time smearing it all over the glass window to the door. It was an easy clean up but still very nasty & very stinky. When I found my poop covered & smeared baby she was sitting naked in her hair chair and sniffing her pooped stained fingers repeating "nasty....stinky....nasty" over & over again. It was as though she was traumatized by her smearing event, which may be why it only happened the one time.

With perfect timing to my stressful situation, Sweetened*Taters posted these potty training tips for those of us about to begin our journey.

Does anyone else have any helpful tips that may have worked for you? Wish us luck, sounds like we're going to need it!

On another final note.

This is what happens when Ma'ma is away and TPG is "napping" on the couch.

Like I said, it happens a lot.

This is GG after she found a jar Vicks Medicated Vapor Rub from a location that I was unaware it had been stored. Amazed that she actually got the lid off, she decided to try this rub out as a new hair styling product. Apparently, it was too "nasty" on her fingers so she decided to wipe the mess all over the microfiber love seat & coffee table ...... because they were conveniently close. She walked around for a few hours sniffing her newly opened sinuses and convincingly claimed"mmm good" as if she were really enjoying the mentholyptus smell that she couldn't escape.

We're now looking to investing in a new living room suit. TPG had me looking at Elder Beermans furniture department this week because they were having a "Big Sale". I laughed the entire time thinking I could pay off my student loans with these prices. I, of all people, was encouraging him to shop at Value City or even Big Lots in search of new furniture .......just hoping that it might last long enough to pass my bill in Congress allowing parents to "beat your children and not be punished by law if you have documented proof" (see above).

Armageddon ...already!

Is the world coming to an end? I must have started recycling just a little to late! Or better yet, Hell must have frozen over.......

because

Our Bathroom Remodel is Complete!!!!

GG & I were more then pleased to try out our new lavatory for the first time in WEEKS. I'll save showing you the pictures of me actually enjoying a nice long, hot bubble bath and then the shaving of the legs ceremony, which was long overdue. We are very pleased with the work Skinny has done and we look forward to working on more home improvement projects with him and Polly. Just to show you that he really exist and actually does work and the magical bathroom fairy didn't contract out this job.

Here is Skinny hard at it! I have come to the conclusion that he must have been "drinking" on the job because I have visual proof he is praying to the porcelain god.

do you see why we call him that

Finally, because I know how much pleasure she got out of her 1hr 15min. "swimfest" we'll call a bath, last night. I've decided to share her shear enjoyment with you!
Also, because it was just so darn cute hearing her repeat "Dood dob Dake" ( Good Job Jake) while rubbing a wash cloth across her bare bottom.