Beat My Chicken.....

Oh....I'm sorry! I meant "Eat Mor Chikin"

Here's Good Girl's Happy Ween 2008 costume.

Chick-Fila Cow

I couldn't believe the enormous response to her costume! She was voted "Best Costume" in our neighborhood and people were going out of their way to come up and see her. I wasn't expecting all the attention .......I mean....geez, she's just a cow! GG was loving the spot light! She would "moo" and the occasionally bark like a puppy. When she finally realized that a simple "tick teet" would filll her spider bucket up with chocolate treats....that shit was on! She was great about saying thank you too, which totally surprised me.

The highlight of my 2008 beggars night came when she started telling people to "Eat Mor Chikin".......but she eventually she forgot what or how to say it. Being the genius 2yr old that she is.....she totally compromised with...... "Beat My Chicken". Her fans went crazy, taking pictures while laughing and she continued to march around the yard drawing a bigger & bigger crowd.

Even better......the cow costume was an old hand-me-down and it didn't cost a dime! I made the signs at work...for free! My only expense for the halloween gig was the spider bucket that can be used year after year and I dropped a whole $3 on it at the weekend warehouse! Watching GG march around our front yard like a New York City street performer .....singing "Beat My Chicken".....PRICELESS!!!

Happy "Ween"

at least that's what GG would say!

I'm sorry I've not posted this week. I've been feeling sick, incredibly busy and received more bad news about my mom's cancer. I'll try to post more next week when things hopefully return back to normal.....or at least Kimmguru Normal.....which isn't really considered normal to most!

Enough with the sad poor me party. It's Halloween and it's such a great reason to celebrate....bitches!

Tonight is the the debut of Bobby Light and his Dirty Girl for the big costume party. I must secretly admit that my idea of a Dirty Girl is so dead on to Peggy Bundy that I've really considered telling people that's who I am tonight.

So.....have fun & be safe!

Thousand Words Thursday.....

Here's this weeks Thousand Word Thursday hosted by Jen at Cheaper Then Therapy. Please head over there and check out all the other "players" who have posted some really great photos!


This a picture of myself and one of my best friends, Jenni....that "bitch who loves s'mores". She is such a great person inside and out and I am so thankful to have her in my life. Jenni has had some tough times in her life.....trust me she knows what hardship is. She lost her mother when she was only 11yrs. old, became a teenage mother herself and sacrificed her "fun years" to provide a better life for her family. She had to grow up too fast in a world that didn't even notice or care. Because of her struggles, Jenni has not only learned to survive..... but to also be successful in everything she does. Her motivation, will and desire to achieve her personal best inspires me to be a better person. She is one of the only people I know in this world who can love without conditions and it shows in everything she does, everyday.

I believe that in our lives we only have a few chances to met our "Jenni". I know that no matter happens in my life, I will never let her go!

Show & Tell.....

Since my new blogging buddies, Maddness of Me & Motherhood in NYC have posted pictures on something wordless Wednesday...I don't know what the hell it's called..... I too decided to post something in my city that I get to look at everyday.

I'd like to take a moment to introduce you to my very close & personal friend......

GIANT JESUS

Sometimes when we're just hanging out I like to call him G.J. for short. You know...cause he's my Dude.

Seriously, this statue of GJ is actually 62' high. He's located just north of Cincinnati on I-75. His church is between my "home" exit and my "work" exit and I get the pleasure of passing him every day M-F ..... sometimes up to 4 times a day!He is so famous....Wikipedia even has an entry about him. You know what they say about Wiki...once you're in there that you have officially arrived. Oh...and he is Jesus for heavens sake....we all know he's coming soon anyway!

There have been songs written about our Giant Jesus, he's been featured on an episode 3, season 1 of Rob & Big, he's pretty much a local celebrity around here. I hope you all can share the joy that I have with GJ at some point in your lives.....because GJ totally ROCKS, despite what his critics say.

Often while at work, I'm giving directions to our customers and I feel the need to tell them.... "If you found Jesus then you've gone too far!". My company hasn't quite accepted it as our new slogan but it's always good for a laugh.

I keep looking for my name in Wiki..............still waiting!

Coming to the rescue.....

The Pepsi Guy decided that he wanted to be "Bobby Light" from Rob & Big as his Halloween Costume this year. We have a great party to go to and the costumes really should be excellent from what we've heard so far!


There was no changing his mind about it either.....regardless of my persuasive tactics at encouraging the Bush & Tush ideal!So, in supporting TPG in his Big Halloween Adventure, I have been asked to go as a "dirty girl". I shit you not! I don't really mind because the costume is actually pretty easy, so you would think. I picked up these gem of a pant at the local thrift store for $1.
Skin thigh leopard print stretch pants. Seriously folks....it doesn't get any trasher then that right there! These pants are such a big hit at my house that I would have possibly paid nearly $2 if I'd known the love they've been shown.

I think TPG has a thing for trashy, dirty girls! GG loves the pants even more the he does....like that's possible! I have to keep these gems hidden from her....because if she even spots a glimpse of them, she'll ask me to put on my "Diego Pants".

I'm glad Halloween is just a few weeks away. I'm afraid that if I have to wear these pants one more time I may have a debilitating limp from the wicked camel toe.

Dear Malea & Loren,

We have been challenged to take the process of hair removal to the next level. With modern technology, there is nothing we can't accomplish.

Anna at Life just keeps gettin weirder was forced to face her hair removal alone. But we have something she didn't.....WE have EACH OTHER, like some strange hair removal support group.

Just remember girls....I got your back! But only the spots you can't reach yourself.

Kimmguru

Thousand Word Thursday.....

Here's this weeks Thousand Word Thursday hosted by Jen at Cheaper Then Therapy. Please head over there and check out all the other "players" who have posted some really great photos!


This is the expression I get from Good Girl when I tell her she isn't going to get another Popsicle. I think she is trying to scream something along the lines of "More Cooks". Cooks are what she actually calls popsicles and regardless of the amount of correction......they are still called cooks.

It's nice because when she wants me to "cook" all I have to do is pull out a popsicle and all is well in our home!

New sidebar crap.....

Don't forget to check out my newest entry on the sidebar, "100 Things About Me".
You may or may not be surprised by what I admitted openly about myself....but I had a lot of fun doing it! It's nostalgic to think back about my childhood. Be sure to let me know if there is something you want to hear more about in a post!

Let's Play....photo shop included.....

I was tagged by Heather over at Sugar N Spice to do this little game and thought it was a really cute idea.

The rules are:

1. Go to your Sixth Picture Folder then pick your Sixth Picture.
2. Pray that you remember the details.
3. Tag 5 others.
4. Pay my mortgage (just kidding, I read that this morning & I've be laughing ever since!)
   

I'm tagging- Sweetened*Taters, 7 Acers of Heaven, Jen at Work, Maddness of Me, and finally Divine Secrets of a Pastoral Princess.

I almost didn't even want to post my picture after I realized who was in it! Instead of being a sore sport about the game......I took it upon myself to use the picture but be creative with my edits.

My picture was taken at my sweet little niece, Lil' BIGWOOD's 1st birthday party in December 2007. She is held by her father THE INFAMOUS.....Mr. BIGWOOD.

I know, I know...it's a little harsh! The important thing is.....I played the game!

Today's the BIG DAY.....

Handbag Planet's big online Grand Opening! They'll be giving away 1 purse every hour to celebrate! Hopefully you entered yourself in their contest and if you're like me.....you entered as many times as possible, which was something like 36 times.

What can I say? I love handbags but I LOVE FREE handbags even better!

Good Luck to everyone who entered and be sure to let me know if you win!

Meet Maggie.....

Maggie Mae "Guru" aka..... Maggie Moose.

"Moose" has been our beloved pet for the past 10 years. She is an old 85lb. hound/coon dog and we've converted her into a city slicker. She still has some of her own breed (whatever that may be) characteristics like incredible super hero smelling powers, insatiable appetite, stubbornness and complete laziness. When someone wants to know how big she is, I'll always tell them " She the size of a 4th Grader".

The Pepsi Guy and I like to joke about how she "lives the life of luxury". Maggie was our very first experiment as being parents. I think we succeeded in giving her a life that most mutts would only dream of. She sleeps most hours of the day in OUR bed, right in between us during the night, she eats diner with us, has a nice big fenced yard that can be accessed at any time and a loving neighbor who showers her with milk bones EVERY TIME she is outside, multiple times a day.

Without a doubt, Maggie is TPG's dog. Their relationship would be sickening to most normal people and probably illegal in all 48 continental states. Our dog will greet TPG at the door with a smile....yeah, she really smiles, and he greets her with lots of hugs & kisses...usually with his mouth open because that's the way she likes it! This same dog won't even get out of bed when I come home from a long day and I practically have to force her out of bed in the morning to pee before I head to work.

GG simply adores Maggie and her name was actually one of GG's first words. Until recently, every dog we ever encountered was called a "Maggie". GG has been using her imagination more & more lately and her favorite game is to "play puppy". It's annoying cute! Unfortunately Maggie doesn't like GG nearly as much. She's actually quite annoyed all the time with this small human who has some how taken over the home she once ruled. Even though Maggie basically tries to ignore GG at all cost, she can't help but love & protect the small bully child.

It saddens me to think that Maggie will not be with us much longer. She is 10 years old now and I can see how the years have effected her large body. She just isn't as playful and spunky as she was before we brought GG home the hospital. When the day comes for Maggie Moose to pass, TPG & I will be devastated....just as I am *teary* eyed typing it out.

But for now Maggie is alive & well!!! I love this picture of GG & Maggie Moose in the back of my truck.
Look at GG's face!!!! I think Maggie farted and she got a big wiff of it. *Priceless*

Besides introducing you to Maggie, this post has ulterior motives. You see Christmas is just around the corner! I can't think of a single gift to tell Santa Claus that GG would like to have. It's no big secret that she hasn't really been that great and if TPG weren't the Fat Jolly Man himself......she probably just get a few cat turds under the tree with a 1/2 eaten candy cane.

I'm trying, with all thing festive in my heart & soul to convince TPG to let GG get a puppy for Christmas. She is the perfect age for a tiny little buddy to frolic under her feet, while running through flowering meadows in the Spring time. Can you see it? I can almost smell the flowers now! But TPG is a stubborn old goon....and he doesn't see it, or let alone smell it! *JERK* He's afraid that he'll betray Maggie and she'll live her last moments as a bitter old hag and that he'll be to blame for her misery. I told him to blame me because she doesn't even like anyway!! I told him that a puppy may be what Maggie need to get her grove back...Stella Style! I'm still working on him & I may need to bust out the reinforcements..... like lingerie or Grand Parents.

In the mean time.....do you guys have any kid friendly breed suggestion? Or stories of your own beloved pets that are aging or have passed away?

My Transformation.....

I'm finished with my Blogger makeover. I was going to use a template from a site....blah, blah, blah but that shit is insanely confusing. That's unfortunate because I can actually read & alter HTML codes surprisingly well for not having any formal training.

As you already know, I'm lazy... so I just changed a few colors here and there and added a few thing "ghetto style" and *poof*....it's done and I'm satisfied for now. At least until I take the time to read some direction and quit thinking I'm actually smarter that I really am.

The most important thing...... I feel pretty!

Under Construction.....

I've decided to give myself a makeover.

It's not like you'll really even notice...unless you're one of my 4 readers. It's just that I'm pissed off today and I want to feel pretty instead!

So hang in there....it shouldn't take forever.....I hope!

Insane Madness.....

I told myself that I wouldn't start my week off as "Debbie Downer"!
Too late! There's no stopping the ball....because it's already in motion!

I received a telephone call from my father today. This is the man I admire most in all the world, that one person I would hate to disappoint and whom also has extremely high expectations for me to achieve greatness!

I love him! But today.....I really pissed him off....BIG TIME! I'm talking BIG TIME ..... like I have never done such a thing in my entire 30 years and it felt great!

He's call to me was strictly business in regards to my relationship with Mr. BIGWOOD. The word has leaked out to the parents about the dispute and they have now become involved because Mr. BIGWOOD is a big fat sissy and at 32yrs. old tells his daddy about the drama he has started....some how manages to blame me for.

Senior BIGWOOD has taken it upon himself to end this sibling rivalry. Of course he calls Mr. BIGWOOD first to hear his side of the story, which undoubtedly was completely fabricated into what he thinks our father wanted to hear in order to side with him. I on the other hand told the truth and nothing but the truth, basically from the beginning, without hiding a single detail. I even mentioned the voice mails I have saved as audio proof...... including the one where he express his hopes of my suicide or death by any means...No Kidding!

You can say that at this point Senior BIGWOOD isn't very happy......with either one of his. He's mad because this has continued on for months and everyone knows about it but him. He asked me to "squash" all of the nonsense and to let everything go. I explained to him, that I was not to blame for the continuation of the fight because I am not a grudge holder (which he obviously knows) but he continues to lie and make shit up so he can hide his secrets from the bitch he's married to. I explained that regardless of an apology from Mr.BIGWOOD, my relationship would never be the same with him.

Basically my call ended with Senior being mad at me for not being the bigger person in the matter. I'm sure that after he settles down a bit he will understand. My entire purpose in holding my ground is to make a point. That point is that I will no longer tolerate Mr. BIGWOOD, Big Fat Sissy Pants, treating me like SHIT! If that means that I will no longer have a relationship with him the rest of my life....well, so FUCKING be it! I'll take this fight to my grave.

It's that time of year.....

Fall in our home represents many different things. One of our favorite adventures starts this Saturday and continues on until the end of April!

Good Girl starts gymnastics again.....and boy is she super excited! I finally told her over the weekend that we were getting ready to start the new session after having the long summer off. She was so excited about the news, she felt obligated to start practicing at that very moment.

GG's weekend was filled with somersaults, marching, tip toe walking, jumping and spinning in circles until she fell to the floor giggling! TPG and I love taking the class with GG because she really does so well on all of the apparatuses. It's almost like it's her natural ability to hang upside down like a monkey and swing from ropes. One of our instructors said GG has the potential to be an excellent gymnast and has a lot of the things they look for to build their competitive team....which I took as...open up the pocket book and start dishing out the funds! The only problem is, she gets bored easily when another classmate don't "pick up" as easily as she does....so she wants to do what the 4-5 yr olds are doing. It absolutely takes TPG and I both to tag team her energy during the class, while other children easily accomplish the same things with just one parent.

So here she is doing one of the things she is as passionate about as bubbles, Dora the Explorer and riding her tricycle backwards!

Marching with her Daddy

She loved to swing on the rope!

The bar is one of her best apparatuses!

I can hardly keep up with her on the balance beam!

Dear Good Girl,
I hope you do exceptionally well at gymnastics! Not that I don't want you to do well at other things in life but this particular hobby is your meal ticket to college. I am discussing this with you in advance so it's no surprise to you in the future when we explain that your college savings was spent by funding your passion as an adolescent for competitive gymnastics . Therefore, you have no choice but to get an athletic scholarship to fund your higher education or get a job at McDonald's selling double cheeseburgers off the dollar menu. Just know TPG & I did the best we can!

Good Luck!
Mama

Hostility with urge to attack.....

I simply can not organize a single thought in my head. I feel as if every topic I'd like to write about starts bouncing around my head like a pinball machine. To solve this attention problem I've decided to give you bullet points of random subjects that lack structure and basic elements that are needed to actually understand the english language.

1. I started taking Adipex again.....which completely explains my extreme paranoia. The last time I took this doctor prescribes weight loss drug I lost 35lbs in like 4 months. Apparently I forget some of it's side effects and what I found out was fricken HILARIOUS. After reading up on adipex from my very "reliable" source called WIKIPEDIA I realized that I probably should have done my research before I started on a medication for THE THIRD TIME!

Some of the "More Common Side Effects" are listed as......

• Insomnia
• Increased blood pressure
• Irritability
• Nervousness
• Sense of well-being
• Dry mouth
• Unpleasant taste
• Clumsiness
• Confusion
• Diarrhea
• Dizziness
• Headache
• Psychosis
• Tiredness

I already suffer from most of these things on a daily bases because I am a Mom and a Wife. I really started cracking up at the "Less Common Side Effects" listed below.

• Convulsions (seizures)
• Dizziness
• Fever
• Hallucinations
• Hostility with urge to attack
• Irregular blood pressure
• Lightheadedness or fainting
• Mental depression, following a period of excitement
• Tremors, trembling or shaking
• Overactive reflexes
• Panic
• Restlessness
• Severe nausea, vomiting or diarrhea
• Stomach cramps
• Tiredness or weakness

Let's just hope I don't have any of the "Less Common" shit happen because that stuff is just whack! Especially the shit I highlighted for you. Can you imaging if all the craziness happened to me at once. I'll just leave you alone for a moment to let it all sink in.
Yeah and while you're at.......Do not take anything I said as medical advice, and do not assume I think I know what I'm talking about. Sadly, I know I do not.


2. Day 3 of Intervention has been extremely difficult for me. I've thought about MW a few times but I've been holding strong. It's insane to think about how much actual work I'm able to do in the course of a day, especially while on adipex (which is like 10X more then normal). It's even crazier to think about the crap I've been putting off. It's a wonder I'm still gainfully employed.

3. A Friend has asked me to help her out this weekend by styling her High School Daughter & her Friend's hair for their Homecoming Dance. You know...because I went to a few homecomings and that makes me totally qualified. I tried to explain to the mother that I "take pictures" and hair styling just isn't my thing....however...it didn't work. I had this terrible prediction that I'd RUIN this big event for both of them. And you know how dramatic everything is when you're a teenage girl. So, being the logical person that I am...... I recruited Kid Sister to help. You know.... because she's totally qualified too. Two moms, a college kid sister, two hysterical teenage girls, some hair spray & a few hot curling irons.....we're bound to make some magic happen. Or possibly ruin the reputation of two very pretty, very popular high school drama queens who will never forgive us and definitely never forget.


I hope you all have a great & wonderful weekend. I'll try my best to keep doing whatever it is that I do...only now at 100mph!

Intervention....Day 2.

Finally, after admitting my addiction to MySpace Mafia Wars and the negative affect it's had on all of us, I felt so relieved. I was able to really believe that I could finally get the help I needed to have a successful recovery. I had an indescribable hunger and I wanted to know what sobriety really taste like.

Would you believe it if I told you I gave it up.....COLD TURKEY? Yeah, you heard me!!!!! C-O-L-D...... T-U-R-K-E-Y!!! Yeah for me, I really did it!

I had finally reached the point in my game where I was realized that I wasn't having FUN any more. I had more weapon and cars then I could possibly use and I couldn't spend the money I earned hourly fast enough. I gave up an empire that most mafia members could only dream of. AND...I felt good about it. I did it on my terms, without looking back!

Jenni took the news hard when I told her my decision to end the addiction. The awkward silence was broken by her sobs & pleas to "hang in there" and "just a few more days". I realized that we enabled each other in this addiction and I suggested she seek help for herself. I know it's nearly impossibly for me to stay sober as long as she continues to plays behind my back.

With that being said;

Dear Jenni,
I'm here today because I love you. I can no longer sit back and watch you kill yourself with your addiction to MySpace Mafia Wars. I am asking you to get the help you need TODAY. Join me TODAY in sobriety and I promise you we can beat this disease together. If you choose to not get the help you need TODAY, I will no support you or your addiction. I will have no choice but to remove you from my top 8 friends and replaced as #9. I will no longer accept your comments or messages, unless they are regarding your treatment, recovery or sobriety.

Will you accept this gift of treatment today? I love you!

I really want to thank my blog friends and my own blog for encouraging me to do what I needed to do. I knew it was leading to nowhere and headed there real fast. I discovered my love for blogging again..... which is a true blessing. I'm really going to need something to fill the 8 hours a day of MW that I played for the past few weeks.

I'll get there....one day at a time.

A Thousand Word Thursday

Jen over at Cheaper then Therapy has started "A Thousand Word Thursday". What a great way to share your favorite pictures with all of your blogging friends.

I know , I know...... I've been a bit harsh this week with the Ugly Butts, Addiction Recovery and Hating Mr. BIGWOOD......so I decided to post a happy picture.

Good Girl, Siesta Keys Florida, April 2008

If I could only take one photograph to cherish the rest of my life as a mother. It would have to be this picture....HANDS DOWN!

My Butt.....

Have you ever looked at your butt? I mean really taken a good look at it? I'm not talking about the "hole" either....I mean the cheeks.... as a whole. What a really weird thing to look at!

I am discussing this with you today because of a series of events that have recently happened and I feel the need to share. This morning, I'm walking down the dimly light hallway ..... naked. Nothing unusual from any other morning except the fact that it was much darker outside due to rain coming through the area. For whatever reason I catch a glimpse of my backside. MY BUTT! Or should I say, lack there of.

In high school my cheer squad nicknamed me "Ass Back". I'm sure it was from my lack of "junk in the trunk" if you will and I've basically been a flat wall from behind since then. Well....some things really do never change but thanks to our not so dear friend GRAVITY...... other things will!

Back to this morning. In my head I'm thinking "WTF?" almost confused as to what the piss poor lighting had to offer my eyes. My butt was long, saggy, dimply, and basically lifeless! It kind of resembled road kill that had been ran over by a semi truck......repeatedly!

In the disappointed, grief stricken moment of nakedness in the hallway..... I was PISSED. I was really pissed off at GOD!

This is what I said to him;

"God, why are you so unkind to women? Do you secretly hate us? What did we ever do to you besides eat one bad apple? We have all the hard jobs down here. Not to even mention giving birth and then raising those little monkeys too. I mean seriously DUDE, I can handle the saggy boobies because we all know they have to go somewhere.....but..... WHAT'S UP WITH THE UGLY BUTTS? Give us a break! Why can't the guys have the ugly butts? I just don't understand!"

Then I suddenly remembered the letter I received in the mail last week from my Gym. They were THANKING me for my patronage as my 1 year anniversary was approaching this month. Enclosed was a survey asking for any comments or remarks I'd like to share.

I decided there were a FEW things I'd like to share with them.

Dear Kimmguru's Over Price Gym,
I would like to take a moment to share a few comments with you, as you requested. I would like for you to consider my voice as the voice of The Whole. I feel as though I'm an excellent representative for all members, including men. As you know, I have been a member of your gym for the past year. I have attended weekly exercise classes including Zumba, Kickboxing and I've even met with a personal trainer at some point to get a weight lifting regime. I still have an Ugly Butt!

I am not the only gym member who is suffering from this epidemic. You should really trust me on this issue, in which I consider myself an expert. I actually have the ability to show you an Ugly Butt if substantial proof is necessary. I/We would like to know what you plan on doing to resolve this situation. I would like to meet with you in person within the next 30 days to devise a game plan.

However, if you elect to not address our concern with satisfactory results, we will have choice but to advertise The Gym's name across our Ugly Butts . This should serve as a warning to other potential members. We feel it would be unfair to not warn them as the help they seek is not available here and they should search elsewhere for an accredited facility. Possibly one that has visual proof that Beautiful Butts really do exist.

Please note that I have attached a picture of an Ugly Butt. Clothing is optional during our upcoming meeting. We feel that it's important for you to see first hand....just how BIG of a problem we are facing.


Kimm Guru
member

Mafia Wars Intervention.....

In the past....I have confessed to you, my love for the television show Intervention. Well, my addiction hasn't gotten any better...... in fact .... I've now added a new, almost obsessive compulsive hobby to my list of thing I'll be seeking help for ....WHEN I'M READY, not when you trap me in some sort of chat room and suggest I go seek help today!

Addiction: MySpace Mafia Wars
Enablers: Work ..... because they pay me to play all day long and Jenni ..... because she may be more addicted then I am.

I believe you should be upset at the so called "DRUG" of Mafia Wars because it has affected your life negatively in the following ways;

• You can no longer count on me to write a post that may capture your interest.
• I am probably not reading your blog as I once did & if by chance I am reading them....I'm not leaving comments.
• I have distanced myself from you and we no longer have that warm fuzzy relationship we once shared.

Mafia Wars has affected MY LIFE negatively in the following ways;

• I no longer have time to blog
• I lose sleep at night dreaming about the Hitlist
• My patiences or tolerance for bullshit is non-existent
• I talk about MW at least once in every conversation
• I have secret desires to give up my life as a mother and join a real Mafia.

Everyone knows that admitting there is a problem is really the most difficult step. So, now that we have that out of the way......I gotta go bank my earnings, do some hits, smuggle some booze, and fight some rival gangs.

We'll address step 2 tomorrow. I think that step is to introduce you to MW. Not only to make my gang stronger ...... BUT...... really to help YOU understand this disease called addiction.

Ding Dong.......

It's not big secret that I've been feuding with my asshole brother, Mr. BIGWOOD. It has completely gotten out of hand at this point and I am basically fearing for my life. Well, not really....that was more for dramatic effect!

Last Friday that asshole started accusing my BFF Jenni & I of "ding dong ditching" their home late one night a few weeks ago. How convenient for them....as they claim this apparently happened a night that we were out with some girlfriends for a Ladies Night. Ding Dong Ditching is when you sneak up to the house, ring the door bell several times and then run like mad to get away. This is a game the kids play ...... not 30ish woman ...... who have better things to do like playing Air Hockey at the arcade for hours on in that same evening.

He claims to have whitenesses that identified the two of us leaving the scene of the said incident. Then that asshole even told Jenni that I admitted to him that we actually did it....which was a bold face lie!

Please keep in mind that his accusations started on a Friday afternoon. The same day that he knew we were going to be out of town for the weekend. Would you not believe the Mother F**ker came to my house, pried my door bell straight off the brick, cut the wire to disconnect it and then stole my damn door bell!?!?! To top all things....... HE DENIED EVEN DOING IT! I mean seriously folks...... does he think I lick f**king windows for a living?

In my opinion, he has completely gone to far! I had no choice but to file a police report in regards to the vandalism done to my home, in which I own and pay the mortgage! Of course I gave Mr. BIGWOOD'S name, address, phone number, description, make & models of his vehicles, birthday & social security number. I was praying to all things holy that he had an outstanding warrant or that his DNA came back as a suspect in some Alaskan Murder Case. After hearing the voice mails that have been left on my phone for months...... the officer who filed my report advised me to seek a protection order against Mr. BIGWOOD. The cop heard how crazy the suspect was and felt that I needed to take action before something really serious happens.

This entire situation with him & his wife is completely unbelievable! For the past 4-5 months I have not shown any emotion to the games they play or lies they continue to tell. Because I have taken the high road and basically ignored them.....they have completely consumed their lives with me and every little detail involved. Believe it or not.... they even hijacked my private MySpace page and then began to harass my friends about comments made. We're talking about comments made, unrelated to them but yet they assumed they were direct digs at them personally.

I know that all of this sound so ridiculous and petty. I mean, we are talking about my biological brother and his hard-on for hating all things I came into contact with. Nothing he does seems to SHOCK me anymore. As I take a step back and look at every thing that has happened up to this point...... he is honestly 99.9% responsible. He will never admit that he is the root and even if he did apologize to me.....nothing will ever be the same. I'm really curious as to what I should do next.

Can I get a side of matching shoes too?

Click here to enter to win a free handbag from handbagplanet.com! They'll be giving away 24 bags on the day of their launch, which is 10/15/08!!!

Looks like I'll have a new favorite shopping site in just a few days!

Good Luck!