Inspiration is found.....

In the most unusual places. In my particular case it was located in Kentucky..... at the lake house this past weekend. A stranger approached me at a small gathering on Friday prior to the 4th of July. His name was John and this particular man was missing a leg. Inspiring to say the least as he played corn hole and mingled amongst the other guest. It was then that he spotted me as I sat quietly rocking Good Girl in my arms. I heard him say out loud from across the room .... "Sue! Look she's here! The guru girl is here and she has GG with her!".

The Seed Had Been Planted!

A complete stranger had read my blog and recognized me. However this recognition was bitter sweet for me......knowing how I'd left my few faithful readers high & dry for so many long months.

We continued to chat for a good while as he told me how he found me. He "googled" Dixie Bend Retreat and one of my post was the first to appear. He read my story ....several times ....laughing endlessly ...... then decided to share it with Sue, his wife. They continued to read my blog and recognized my family. It's an easy leap to make considering we're pretty much the ass clowns of the retreat.

During our conversation he asked me why I no longer continued to write. I was coming up short! I had no logical, or even a fairly decent excuse to give him. His question made me feel strangely guilty and it was at that moment that I decided to give it another try.

I mean seriously folks.......I'm practically a celebrity now.....at least in Kentucky. How can I, in good conscience keep all of this literature greatness to myself any longer?

I'm back...BIGGER & better THEN EVER.....

I'm sure all of my faithful reader have wonder where the hell I've been hiding the past 6 or so weeks..... the answer..... In the unemployment line!

Yes, just as the country started to make some wonderful and exciting changes we also headed straight towards the great recession. I am one of the 22% of unemployed individuals who contribute to making my city one of the fastest dying cities in America ...at least according to Forbes Magazine. However, that's something we've known for a while.....and we surely didn't need them telling EVERYONE ELSE! So thanks a lot Forbes!!!

Moving on to BIGGER & BETTER news.

It looks as though I've gained a new audience of readers during my absence! Welcome Mr. & Mrs. BIGWOOD!! I'm pleased to have you join us because your daily visits only increase my viewer totals....which in return makes my page that much stronger. So thank you deeply for your stalking....I mean patronage! Since the two of you think finding my blog was some kind of extravagant treasure, let's just say I've known all along that one day you would find me here and you're foolish to believe otherwise. I'm just wondering "what the hell took you so long"? However your devious plans to black mail me with my personal opinion has unfortunately been foiled! Let it be known that Senior BIGWOOD knows about this page, for I have already shown him myself! So please feel free to show him any "paper copies" you claim to have in your possession.....I actually wish that you would. I will tell you that it's very gratifying to know that having you read my words... The Words of Truth.... shows that you are not to far gone and you still have a chance of breaking your spell of lies and deceit.

As for my other more favorable readers....thank you sticking with me! Over the last few weeks I've collected many wonderful stories to share with you. Including but certainly not limited to:

• Successfully potty training in only 4 days
• GG visit with Santa Claus
• TPG's BIG WINNER
• My daily life as a SAHM

Updates coming REAL soon!

Did I mention how much I missed you guys? I really did....at least most of you!

Obama Mama.....Oh Boy!

FINALLY! The day the entire nation has waited so patiently for. I was more then pleased to be standing in line at the polls just before 7am this morning!

History is being made today and I am excited to be apart of it! However ..... it's not been an easy fight....holding my ground considering the recent events that have lead up to this historical day. I've decided to share my story with a picture enhanced essay.....the short version.

It all began this past Friday evening. I was having a pleasant, non-hostile conversation regarding the upcoming election, including the presidential candidates as well as a few local issues on the ballot. I quickly realized why I usually keep my political views to myself but considering I was with FAMILY..... I felt as though I could express my opinion with minimal judgment. I was FUCKING WRONG.... OH ..... SO WRONG! The non-hostile conversation quickly became some sort of distorted debate with an excessive amount of political smears...... lots of repeats from advertisements and fabricated stories from botched websites. It was so much fun....even if I had been numbered 10-1, hiding in the corner...... crouched down in the fetal position....I held my ground.

These people were Republican Wolves! The rabid kind...foaming at the mouth, swarming around me .....waiting for their ring leader to attack the innocent prey. After the political escapade was finally over and I regained my composure.....I felt the need to retaliate. With Vengeance! The following day we were all attending a baby shower for a family member who wasn't involved with the "negative campaigning" (must be a republican thing) the previous night.

At this point I felt the wolves were now one up on me. I couldn't let them feel the satisfaction of "winning" .... so I arrived at the baby shower wearing this..... silver glittering .....picture doesn't even do it justice.... home made shirt.


Can you believe I made this little get up myself? Lovely isn't it?!?!? I've already had 3 request to make them one, not to even mention the numerous question asking where I bought it!

Everything at the baby shower went surprisingly well with a the exception of a few stares or comments made under their breath. The score was now even and I felt complete satisfaction after seeing the shock on the faces from the same attackers just hours before.

A few days pass by without incident. That is until yesterday when I arrived home to find a package on my doorstep. It was wrapped in the Sunday comics (dead give away to the culprit) with a note that said "To the Obama Home....Love, John McCain". I opened this suspicious package to find a Limited Edition Collectors doll from The Ashton-Drake Co. Not just any doll either.....a rather small doll named KENDALL (GG's real name) and this particular treasure happened to be BLACK! Now if you know this doll company...you'll know that's a rather expensive "gag gift" considering the price alone is nearly $60. I was laughing so hard I nearly pissed my pants. "OH NO" I realized in the midst of my joy.....the score was no longer even...they were again ...one up on me.


Not to be out done by my campaigning competition....I devised a master plan. Unfortunately, Barack Obama winning the Presidency today simply isn't enough of a victory for me. I needed to take it to the next level!

The culprit is my Great Aunt Judy! She was a member of the Chicago 2008 Girlfriends Get-A-Way ...... and she really is GREAT...even without the actual title of being my Mom's aunt. The comic wrap job is a signature trademark on all of her so called pranks. Her only sister was my wonderful Grandmother Joann, who passed away in 2001. Aunt Judy has an amazing sense of humor and we all laugh & carry on when all of us are together. After her little doorway delivery yesterday....I made her a special gift and mailed it out this morning to her home.


The package included a thank you note accepting their gift graciously and letting her know that Change was on the way over the next 4 years as I plan to be a great leader! Signed "Barack "The Big O".

This hot little piggy was given to me by my Grandma Joann before she passed away. It was one of the many silly things she collected at the garage sales she loved to shop at so much. It's fate was decided yesterday as I planned to pass her along to Aunt Judy. I wasn't sad to part with Ms.Piggy either because I know she'll be taken care of. Please pray that she makes a safe arrival to her destination.....tomorrow. I am seriously worried that she may be damaged along her "campaign trail".

Now that the final day is here....I am pleased to know that we have settled our difference as mature adults and I look forward to seeing everyone over the Holidays......while I wear my shirt proudly. I think I might add something fun to the back of it.....and suggestions?

Beat My Chicken.....

Oh....I'm sorry! I meant "Eat Mor Chikin"

Here's Good Girl's Happy Ween 2008 costume.

Chick-Fila Cow

I couldn't believe the enormous response to her costume! She was voted "Best Costume" in our neighborhood and people were going out of their way to come up and see her. I wasn't expecting all the attention .......I mean....geez, she's just a cow! GG was loving the spot light! She would "moo" and the occasionally bark like a puppy. When she finally realized that a simple "tick teet" would filll her spider bucket up with chocolate treats....that shit was on! She was great about saying thank you too, which totally surprised me.

The highlight of my 2008 beggars night came when she started telling people to "Eat Mor Chikin".......but she eventually she forgot what or how to say it. Being the genius 2yr old that she is.....she totally compromised with...... "Beat My Chicken". Her fans went crazy, taking pictures while laughing and she continued to march around the yard drawing a bigger & bigger crowd.

Even better......the cow costume was an old hand-me-down and it didn't cost a dime! I made the signs at work...for free! My only expense for the halloween gig was the spider bucket that can be used year after year and I dropped a whole $3 on it at the weekend warehouse! Watching GG march around our front yard like a New York City street performer .....singing "Beat My Chicken".....PRICELESS!!!

Happy "Ween"

at least that's what GG would say!

I'm sorry I've not posted this week. I've been feeling sick, incredibly busy and received more bad news about my mom's cancer. I'll try to post more next week when things hopefully return back to normal.....or at least Kimmguru Normal.....which isn't really considered normal to most!

Enough with the sad poor me party. It's Halloween and it's such a great reason to celebrate....bitches!

Tonight is the the debut of Bobby Light and his Dirty Girl for the big costume party. I must secretly admit that my idea of a Dirty Girl is so dead on to Peggy Bundy that I've really considered telling people that's who I am tonight.

So.....have fun & be safe!

Thousand Words Thursday.....

Here's this weeks Thousand Word Thursday hosted by Jen at Cheaper Then Therapy. Please head over there and check out all the other "players" who have posted some really great photos!


This a picture of myself and one of my best friends, Jenni....that "bitch who loves s'mores". She is such a great person inside and out and I am so thankful to have her in my life. Jenni has had some tough times in her life.....trust me she knows what hardship is. She lost her mother when she was only 11yrs. old, became a teenage mother herself and sacrificed her "fun years" to provide a better life for her family. She had to grow up too fast in a world that didn't even notice or care. Because of her struggles, Jenni has not only learned to survive..... but to also be successful in everything she does. Her motivation, will and desire to achieve her personal best inspires me to be a better person. She is one of the only people I know in this world who can love without conditions and it shows in everything she does, everyday.

I believe that in our lives we only have a few chances to met our "Jenni". I know that no matter happens in my life, I will never let her go!

Show & Tell.....

Since my new blogging buddies, Maddness of Me & Motherhood in NYC have posted pictures on something wordless Wednesday...I don't know what the hell it's called..... I too decided to post something in my city that I get to look at everyday.

I'd like to take a moment to introduce you to my very close & personal friend......

GIANT JESUS

Sometimes when we're just hanging out I like to call him G.J. for short. You know...cause he's my Dude.

Seriously, this statue of GJ is actually 62' high. He's located just north of Cincinnati on I-75. His church is between my "home" exit and my "work" exit and I get the pleasure of passing him every day M-F ..... sometimes up to 4 times a day!He is so famous....Wikipedia even has an entry about him. You know what they say about Wiki...once you're in there that you have officially arrived. Oh...and he is Jesus for heavens sake....we all know he's coming soon anyway!

There have been songs written about our Giant Jesus, he's been featured on an episode 3, season 1 of Rob & Big, he's pretty much a local celebrity around here. I hope you all can share the joy that I have with GJ at some point in your lives.....because GJ totally ROCKS, despite what his critics say.

Often while at work, I'm giving directions to our customers and I feel the need to tell them.... "If you found Jesus then you've gone too far!". My company hasn't quite accepted it as our new slogan but it's always good for a laugh.

I keep looking for my name in Wiki..............still waiting!

Coming to the rescue.....

The Pepsi Guy decided that he wanted to be "Bobby Light" from Rob & Big as his Halloween Costume this year. We have a great party to go to and the costumes really should be excellent from what we've heard so far!


There was no changing his mind about it either.....regardless of my persuasive tactics at encouraging the Bush & Tush ideal!So, in supporting TPG in his Big Halloween Adventure, I have been asked to go as a "dirty girl". I shit you not! I don't really mind because the costume is actually pretty easy, so you would think. I picked up these gem of a pant at the local thrift store for $1.
Skin thigh leopard print stretch pants. Seriously folks....it doesn't get any trasher then that right there! These pants are such a big hit at my house that I would have possibly paid nearly $2 if I'd known the love they've been shown.

I think TPG has a thing for trashy, dirty girls! GG loves the pants even more the he does....like that's possible! I have to keep these gems hidden from her....because if she even spots a glimpse of them, she'll ask me to put on my "Diego Pants".

I'm glad Halloween is just a few weeks away. I'm afraid that if I have to wear these pants one more time I may have a debilitating limp from the wicked camel toe.

Dear Malea & Loren,

We have been challenged to take the process of hair removal to the next level. With modern technology, there is nothing we can't accomplish.

Anna at Life just keeps gettin weirder was forced to face her hair removal alone. But we have something she didn't.....WE have EACH OTHER, like some strange hair removal support group.

Just remember girls....I got your back! But only the spots you can't reach yourself.

Kimmguru

Thousand Word Thursday.....

Here's this weeks Thousand Word Thursday hosted by Jen at Cheaper Then Therapy. Please head over there and check out all the other "players" who have posted some really great photos!


This is the expression I get from Good Girl when I tell her she isn't going to get another Popsicle. I think she is trying to scream something along the lines of "More Cooks". Cooks are what she actually calls popsicles and regardless of the amount of correction......they are still called cooks.

It's nice because when she wants me to "cook" all I have to do is pull out a popsicle and all is well in our home!

New sidebar crap.....

Don't forget to check out my newest entry on the sidebar, "100 Things About Me".
You may or may not be surprised by what I admitted openly about myself....but I had a lot of fun doing it! It's nostalgic to think back about my childhood. Be sure to let me know if there is something you want to hear more about in a post!

Let's Play....photo shop included.....

I was tagged by Heather over at Sugar N Spice to do this little game and thought it was a really cute idea.

The rules are:

1. Go to your Sixth Picture Folder then pick your Sixth Picture.
2. Pray that you remember the details.
3. Tag 5 others.
4. Pay my mortgage (just kidding, I read that this morning & I've be laughing ever since!)
   

I'm tagging- Sweetened*Taters, 7 Acers of Heaven, Jen at Work, Maddness of Me, and finally Divine Secrets of a Pastoral Princess.

I almost didn't even want to post my picture after I realized who was in it! Instead of being a sore sport about the game......I took it upon myself to use the picture but be creative with my edits.

My picture was taken at my sweet little niece, Lil' BIGWOOD's 1st birthday party in December 2007. She is held by her father THE INFAMOUS.....Mr. BIGWOOD.

I know, I know...it's a little harsh! The important thing is.....I played the game!