I'm back...BIGGER & better THEN EVER.....

I'm sure all of my faithful reader have wonder where the hell I've been hiding the past 6 or so weeks..... the answer..... In the unemployment line!

Yes, just as the country started to make some wonderful and exciting changes we also headed straight towards the great recession. I am one of the 22% of unemployed individuals who contribute to making my city one of the fastest dying cities in America ...at least according to Forbes Magazine. However, that's something we've known for a while.....and we surely didn't need them telling EVERYONE ELSE! So thanks a lot Forbes!!!

Moving on to BIGGER & BETTER news.

It looks as though I've gained a new audience of readers during my absence! Welcome Mr. & Mrs. BIGWOOD!! I'm pleased to have you join us because your daily visits only increase my viewer totals....which in return makes my page that much stronger. So thank you deeply for your stalking....I mean patronage! Since the two of you think finding my blog was some kind of extravagant treasure, let's just say I've known all along that one day you would find me here and you're foolish to believe otherwise. I'm just wondering "what the hell took you so long"? However your devious plans to black mail me with my personal opinion has unfortunately been foiled! Let it be known that Senior BIGWOOD knows about this page, for I have already shown him myself! So please feel free to show him any "paper copies" you claim to have in your possession.....I actually wish that you would. I will tell you that it's very gratifying to know that having you read my words... The Words of Truth.... shows that you are not to far gone and you still have a chance of breaking your spell of lies and deceit.

As for my other more favorable readers....thank you sticking with me! Over the last few weeks I've collected many wonderful stories to share with you. Including but certainly not limited to:

• Successfully potty training in only 4 days
• GG visit with Santa Claus
• TPG's BIG WINNER
• My daily life as a SAHM

Updates coming REAL soon!

Did I mention how much I missed you guys? I really did....at least most of you!

Let's Play....photo shop included.....

I was tagged by Heather over at Sugar N Spice to do this little game and thought it was a really cute idea.

The rules are:

1. Go to your Sixth Picture Folder then pick your Sixth Picture.
2. Pray that you remember the details.
3. Tag 5 others.
4. Pay my mortgage (just kidding, I read that this morning & I've be laughing ever since!)
   

I'm tagging- Sweetened*Taters, 7 Acers of Heaven, Jen at Work, Maddness of Me, and finally Divine Secrets of a Pastoral Princess.

I almost didn't even want to post my picture after I realized who was in it! Instead of being a sore sport about the game......I took it upon myself to use the picture but be creative with my edits.

My picture was taken at my sweet little niece, Lil' BIGWOOD's 1st birthday party in December 2007. She is held by her father THE INFAMOUS.....Mr. BIGWOOD.

I know, I know...it's a little harsh! The important thing is.....I played the game!

Insane Madness.....

I told myself that I wouldn't start my week off as "Debbie Downer"!
Too late! There's no stopping the ball....because it's already in motion!

I received a telephone call from my father today. This is the man I admire most in all the world, that one person I would hate to disappoint and whom also has extremely high expectations for me to achieve greatness!

I love him! But today.....I really pissed him off....BIG TIME! I'm talking BIG TIME ..... like I have never done such a thing in my entire 30 years and it felt great!

He's call to me was strictly business in regards to my relationship with Mr. BIGWOOD. The word has leaked out to the parents about the dispute and they have now become involved because Mr. BIGWOOD is a big fat sissy and at 32yrs. old tells his daddy about the drama he has started....some how manages to blame me for.

Senior BIGWOOD has taken it upon himself to end this sibling rivalry. Of course he calls Mr. BIGWOOD first to hear his side of the story, which undoubtedly was completely fabricated into what he thinks our father wanted to hear in order to side with him. I on the other hand told the truth and nothing but the truth, basically from the beginning, without hiding a single detail. I even mentioned the voice mails I have saved as audio proof...... including the one where he express his hopes of my suicide or death by any means...No Kidding!

You can say that at this point Senior BIGWOOD isn't very happy......with either one of his. He's mad because this has continued on for months and everyone knows about it but him. He asked me to "squash" all of the nonsense and to let everything go. I explained to him, that I was not to blame for the continuation of the fight because I am not a grudge holder (which he obviously knows) but he continues to lie and make shit up so he can hide his secrets from the bitch he's married to. I explained that regardless of an apology from Mr.BIGWOOD, my relationship would never be the same with him.

Basically my call ended with Senior being mad at me for not being the bigger person in the matter. I'm sure that after he settles down a bit he will understand. My entire purpose in holding my ground is to make a point. That point is that I will no longer tolerate Mr. BIGWOOD, Big Fat Sissy Pants, treating me like SHIT! If that means that I will no longer have a relationship with him the rest of my life....well, so FUCKING be it! I'll take this fight to my grave.

A Thousand Word Thursday

Jen over at Cheaper then Therapy has started "A Thousand Word Thursday". What a great way to share your favorite pictures with all of your blogging friends.

I know , I know...... I've been a bit harsh this week with the Ugly Butts, Addiction Recovery and Hating Mr. BIGWOOD......so I decided to post a happy picture.

Good Girl, Siesta Keys Florida, April 2008

If I could only take one photograph to cherish the rest of my life as a mother. It would have to be this picture....HANDS DOWN!

Ding Dong.......

It's not big secret that I've been feuding with my asshole brother, Mr. BIGWOOD. It has completely gotten out of hand at this point and I am basically fearing for my life. Well, not really....that was more for dramatic effect!

Last Friday that asshole started accusing my BFF Jenni & I of "ding dong ditching" their home late one night a few weeks ago. How convenient for them....as they claim this apparently happened a night that we were out with some girlfriends for a Ladies Night. Ding Dong Ditching is when you sneak up to the house, ring the door bell several times and then run like mad to get away. This is a game the kids play ...... not 30ish woman ...... who have better things to do like playing Air Hockey at the arcade for hours on in that same evening.

He claims to have whitenesses that identified the two of us leaving the scene of the said incident. Then that asshole even told Jenni that I admitted to him that we actually did it....which was a bold face lie!

Please keep in mind that his accusations started on a Friday afternoon. The same day that he knew we were going to be out of town for the weekend. Would you not believe the Mother F**ker came to my house, pried my door bell straight off the brick, cut the wire to disconnect it and then stole my damn door bell!?!?! To top all things....... HE DENIED EVEN DOING IT! I mean seriously folks...... does he think I lick f**king windows for a living?

In my opinion, he has completely gone to far! I had no choice but to file a police report in regards to the vandalism done to my home, in which I own and pay the mortgage! Of course I gave Mr. BIGWOOD'S name, address, phone number, description, make & models of his vehicles, birthday & social security number. I was praying to all things holy that he had an outstanding warrant or that his DNA came back as a suspect in some Alaskan Murder Case. After hearing the voice mails that have been left on my phone for months...... the officer who filed my report advised me to seek a protection order against Mr. BIGWOOD. The cop heard how crazy the suspect was and felt that I needed to take action before something really serious happens.

This entire situation with him & his wife is completely unbelievable! For the past 4-5 months I have not shown any emotion to the games they play or lies they continue to tell. Because I have taken the high road and basically ignored them.....they have completely consumed their lives with me and every little detail involved. Believe it or not.... they even hijacked my private MySpace page and then began to harass my friends about comments made. We're talking about comments made, unrelated to them but yet they assumed they were direct digs at them personally.

I know that all of this sound so ridiculous and petty. I mean, we are talking about my biological brother and his hard-on for hating all things I came into contact with. Nothing he does seems to SHOCK me anymore. As I take a step back and look at every thing that has happened up to this point...... he is honestly 99.9% responsible. He will never admit that he is the root and even if he did apologize to me.....nothing will ever be the same. I'm really curious as to what I should do next.

The Grand Finale

Dear Mr. BIGWOOD,

For the past 30 years you have called me your baby sister. You have been my best friend and worst enemy. During our childhood, I was subjected to your bullying, physical and verbal abuse as well as your out right hatred towards me. Unfortunately, you have been able to carry these torturous actions over into our adult lives without facing consequences. On June 23rd I made the decision to no longer have you or your family as an active part of my life. The mental abuse and negative baggage you brought to my world were no longer worth the rare and occasional pleasant moment we seldom shared.

Due to recent events of your lies and deception, I have no choice but to eliminate you from my life completely. You know that you harbor ill feelings towards The Pepsi Guy, Good Girl and Myself and I will no longer accept the heart break you bring to their lives as well as my own. As you continue to pawn friends and family members against us, please know that we have the support of everyone in which you attempt to contaminate with your hatred. The sinister, offensive, selfish and malicious behavior you have shown against me will NOT be tolerated any longer.

You are DEAD to me.

Kimmguru

***WARNING.....NC-17*** regarding Tinker Bell

This post is not going to be pretty. I am completely infuriated and I can't type these words fast enough!

*deep breath*

GG is turning 2 years old on Sunday. I know this isn't a big deal to most people but to us...it kind of is! She is my only child and I give her the world! We have planned to have her birthday party on Sunday. Mostly because of other unavoidable arranged, out of town plans for Saturday but also because it's actually on her birthday. Last years party was completely ridiculous! There must have been 50 people or more and 25 of them were under the age of six and 99% were family. We still had a great time even though the temperature nearly peeked 100 degrees. This year I decided to go about things differently. The list if invites has been drastically reduced but unfortunately, the cost has still remained the same.

Our 2nd birthday party theme is that of "Stink Bell" as GG would say. She is starting to get into the whole Tinker Bell thing which makes me very happy because I hate the damn Disney Princesses! We orderd the decorations from here, made "fairy dust" for the girls and got the boys pirate eye patches as little handouts, made tink & jolly roger name badges for everyone and I even handmade the party invitations, which were the CUTEST (fairy dust included). While on my GF's Get-Away to Chicago, I got GG & I matching Mommy & me Tinker Bell shirts to wear for this party. You could say that I've put some time & effort into this party. Don't get me wrong, it's been fun, I like to do this sort of thing and of course I've been getting paid too. That's because every thing has planned, printed, ordered and mailed at what most people would call "work". As I already mentioned, the party list has been drastically cut. It's almost like a red carpet event of the "Who's Who" in GG's world. So if you got the invite then you must have been pretty special considering a few people have already commented to TPG about not receiving theirs in the mail! This comes to the reason as to why I am completely PISSED!

We mailed out 16 invitations, which included three sets of grandparents and on set of great-grandparents. Breaking it down to more realistic numbers ......6 kids from TPG's side of the family and 5 kids from my side. There was also one mutual friend which is also GG's future husband ...... "Due"as she call him.

GG & Drew Halloween 2007

So can you guess how many of the invites are actually coming? Let me narrow it down for you ...... ZERO from The Pepsi Guy's family besides he's parents which are totally "Rock On", Great Grandma Daisy and "Badd" his brother. Everyone from my side is attending with the exception of 3 kids (siblings) whom called the day of invite arrived in the mail to tell is they couldn't make it, but also asked that if Tinker Bell came to blow her a kiss. I mean seriously...... Mr. BIGWOOD himself is actually attending and I haven't deliberately spoken to him since..... a really long time, at least it seems like that!

I'm not saying my family is so great & perfect..... lord knows they can be a bunch of assholes too..... sometimes....okay just Nicholas......SERIOUSLY JUST NICHOLAS! TPG is one of two boys and my in-laws are wonderful, truly wonderful people who are always there for us & especially GG. But TPG is seriously pissed about the rest of his family. Do you know that in the past year we went to 6 different birthday parties and spent well over $200 in gifts? That's 6 parties = 6 wasted Saturdays and $200 = wasted. Don't get me wrong, it's not about the gifts at all, it's not like she's hurting for toy. We're talking about an only child who has a complete & fully stocked PLAY ROOM for F**KS SAKE!

Christmas 2007

The point being made is .... we always go to the "OTHER" parties because we are invited and feel obligated because we know we'll have a party too. But guess what......don't waste your money on postage to the Guru's House. If we receive another party invitation for ANYTHING ..... I'm seriously hoping it burst into flames.....or better yet, I'll light it on fire mydamnself! So with all the money we're going to be saving boycotting birthday parties....... I'm thinking a Disney Cruise for GG's BIG ...... 3!

I bet they FORGOT they nominated our house for Thanksgiving diner.....AGAIN. Maybe I'll conveniently forget to invite them!

Bunch of assholes ..... fuck you and your invites.

On the record.......

The sole purpose of this blog is not to degrade or bash any member of my family especially Mr. BIGWOOD. I know that with my last few post it may seem as if that is my intention but it truly isn't! However, I am still extremely pissed at him & feel as though I can say what ever the hell I want!

The Gaston Jr. Cup.....

This is a post about the competitiveness that runs through my blood ......The Blood of Gaston's!

Every year my family has a tradition honored at our Gaston Family Reunion. The tradition of "The Gaston Cup". Just saying it out loud gives my entire body the feelings of rushed adrenaline, similar to chugging about 8 red bulls and then asked to sit quietly during a church sermon.

This trophy is really nothing fancy to look at. The home made construction of 2x4 wooden planks and the spray painted golden cup is quite humble to say the least BUT the absolute power it brings to the WINNER is indescribable! The cup is somewhat of a traveling trophy. The rightful holder of the cup has the unspoken obligation to bring it to any & all family functions in order to smear it in the faces of the many losers. It's a very arrogant, boisterous and almost obnoxious task for the holder but it's one that comes easily. I've heard the trophy comes with Superman like powers with feelings of being indestructible. This is strictly "hear-say" because I have never personally won this trophy.

The Gaston Family Reunions are always a lot of fun and it was decided by the "seniors" that one gathering a year just simply wasn't enough. 2008 is the beginning of Semi-Annual Gaston Family Reunion. So now with a newly schedule reunion in June and our typical reunion in August , I guess you could say we'll have twice the fun. At least that can be said for most of us!

The Gaston Cup has always been awarded during the August reunion by excelling in a challenge that is suitable to most of the participants. One of the Male family members usually win and we're fine with that. With the newly scheduled June reunion, it just wasn't fair that the winner in June only enjoy the trophy for a few summer months and then pass it on again in August. So a new breed of competitive offspring were born! "The Gaston Junior Cup". Same rules apply but you have to be under he age of 10 to participate & it's won in June. Wouldn't you know..... one old fashion sucker pull later (colored tip)......and winning by default (she was last to go)........Good Girl was VICTORIOUS!!!!!

GG is now the proud owner a The Gaston Jr. Cup, well at least for the entire next year. She was actually more excited to get the sucker then the trophy....which is a much smaller version of the original one.

Wouldn't you know Mr. BIGWOOD wasn't happy that his Little Bigwood didn't win by pulling the winning crappy brown sucker. His jealousy and spite was clearly displayed the rest of the gathering and The Guru's were just as proud of our Little Guru even if she did win by DEFAULT....because who wants to eat the crappy brown sucker anyway!!!! But you know what.....she ate it ANYWAY!

Here is GG after the reunion celebrating with her Gaston Jr. Cup Trophy. Notice she's holding up the #1 finger.....which quickly ended up in her nose just moments later.

I later found out TPG sent this pic in a text message to Mr. Bigwood with the song "We are the Champion's" by Queen attached. It's no wonder we're not on speaking terms!