It's that time of year...again

WHO DEY BITCHES!!!!!!

Well if that were an actual question the answer would righteously be ....... EVERYONE!


The Cincinnati Bengals 2008-2009 Football Season is set to begin on Sunday September 7th. Normally I wouldn't really give two shits about our beloved hometown hero's but this year....everything is different! TPG had the chance to buy season tickets due to the financial hardship of a friend.....of a friend. So we rallied the troops to gather the funds in order to get our fall football fix. However, things didn't exactly work out as planned so TPG just bought the whole damn season himself! Here's the good.....GREAT part! Being the budget savvy, entrepreneur he is....he managed to sell 6 of the 8 games he had no interest in attending ..... for a profit, while still keeping the 2 games we wanted for FREE! YEAH! FREE BENGAL TICKETS.......it's really the only way you're going to get me there anyway......FREE!!!!

Some how I also managed to get a verbal commitment from TPG to buy me some cute Ben-Gal gear for our two games. It's more contingent on him getting all of his money back and as a thank you for not killing him when he committed to buying the tickets before telling me! Besides, he didn't want me to be the only fair weather fan to wear something ridiculous ...like a clown wig....while sitting next to him in the stands.

Tonight is our final pre-season game against the Indianapolis Colts. Sorry "Crawley" but I pretty much hate the Colts any time they play the Bengals but other then that.....Peyton Manning is pretty cool and I do like his television commercials. I am strangely excited about this game tonight, even though Carson Palmer isn't playing. Maybe we'll really see how good of a team we have this year. It's probably a good thing that I'm very forgiving and pretty easy to please.

The Lake weekend.....

I've decided to not post in words about my adult weekend at the lake with The Mac's and company. Besides, you wouldn't believe me if I did! Instead, I've elected to post a few pictures and let you make up your own story.

Go for it! Give it a try & feel free to leave me a comment telling me your version.

THE END!

My Meme

I was tagged for a Meme by Jen at Jen.At.Work.

The rules;

Link the person who tagged you
Post the rules in your blog
Write 6 random things about yourself
Tag 6 people at the end of your post and link to them
Let each person you have tagged know by leaving a comment on their blog.
Let the tagger know when your entry is posted

I have thought long and hard about these random things. I'm pretty open on my blog so this was a bit of a challenge for me.

So here are my things:

1. I hate the color PURPLE!
2. I was kind of a "hippie" in high school.
3. I have a compulsive obsession with Craigslist.
4. I sign all of my Credit/Debit Card receipts KAsshole and no one has ever noticed! seriously!
5. I sometimes sniff my armpit when no one is looking.... just to see if I remembered my deodorant.
6. Every single Wednesday I order exactly the same thing for lunch at McDonald's and it cost me $3.07

Now the fun part. The people I'm tagging:

Sweetened*Taters
Sugar 'N Spice & Mostly Nice
Stodghill Says So
Ashley's Closet


I'm stopping there because I'm a "lurker" and not a commenter on the other blogs I read and I'm still new to the neighborhood & haven't made many friends. If I weren't such a raging drunken mess....I might make a few new friends.

SCRRREEEECCCCHHHHH!!!!!!!

That devastating sound is me applying the breaks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

As you know TPG are I are going toe to toe in round two this evening ......that was until about 10 minutes ago! I guess more practicing for at least 2 more months is in order. I am a little disappointed to say the least but I know it will be worth the wait.

It was recommended by my friend Malea to look into getting AFLAC coverage for my pregnancy & maternity leave. She had coverage for the birth of her 2nd son, which happened to be premature. Malea was pleased to tell me how the benefits were more then helpful during their tough time and extended NICU stay. I'm already an Accidental Policy holder but today decided to expand my coverage to include Hospital & Disability Benefits as well.

So what that means is that I can't get knocked up before November 1st 2008. My employer doesn't offer any maternity benefits to us. Probably because we're out numbered 14 ladies to 400 men and it doesn't really fit them to provided benefits to so few of us. Breaking it down to.... I get pregnant and take 8 weeks maternity leave without any supplemental income. This wouldn't really be a problem but I have a spending problem and 8 weeks off without pay would be detrimental to OUR savings account. Now granted, I could "save" a few extra bucks to get me through the tough times but we all know that's not going to happen.

So a big thanks to Malea for encouraging me to increase my AFLAC coverage & enjoy a few more weeks of Cherry Vodka.....I do need a little something to wash away my sorrows of pregnancy postponing!

AFLAC!

Happy Wendesday!

Good Night Moon.....

I'm sure some of you have at some point have read this story to your child at bed time. It's a classic and kids just love it. I enjoy reading to GG and she seems to enjoy it as well. I think she just likes to tear the books from my motherly death grip and take off running. It's still something that just we do together at bed time and it's a moment I really enjoy sharing with her..... even more so last night then usual.

I read her a new book last night. One that I hadn't read before but it's been sitting on her book shelf for some time. The book was called "Love You Forever" by Robert Munsch.

It really was the sweetest book but it touched me in ways that I child's book has never done. The mother is this story loved to sing to her son;

I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My baby you'll be

I would actually sing the lyrics to her as she tried to cover my mouth to make me stop. Finally she ripped the book from my hands to toss it over board, she started to sing:

Happy Birthday twinkle twinkle little star.

I tucked her into bed and off to sleepy land she went. I continued to think about the book and how it made me feel. I tried to explain to TPG but he simply didn't understand.

This morning as I was about to head off to work, GG came out of her bedroom. She must have waken up, went to her bookshelf to find this book then she brought it to me and said "please read it". It was so sweet! I couldn't believe she actually found the book on her shelf because I didn't think she had even payed much attention to it. It's the first time she has ever brought me a book in the morning....that's kind of our evening activity. Apparently "Love You Forever" had made as much of an impact on GG as it had me. She was actually upset when I left for work. She normally doesn't mind as she waves bye & blows me kisses but today was different. She wanted me to sing to her again.

I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My baby you'll be

If you like to read to your children then I recommend that you check this book out. It amazing how reading a simple little children's book can change the relationship you have with your child.....even if it is for just one morning!

Round #2

Turns out that I didn't get knocked up this month. I little disappointing to say the least but also a bit relieving! I'm disappointed because I miscalculated my cycle by two days and apparently that makes a huge difference in the world of ovulation. Relieved because we've had this Adult Lake Weekend planned for weeks and being pregnant really dampens the mood especially since I'm known as "The Party Starter" and I take my job very seriously!

Our original conception plan was outlined to begin in September anyway. So I suppose we're really on track which is a good thing. Besides I've really come to love Three Olive's Cherry Vodka with a little Sprite. It's been my drink of the summer & a few more bottles is probably all I have left in me at this point.

So with my summer cherry flavored alcoholism exposed.
Let the games begin!

Round #2

MySpace Countdowns

We Celebrate all week long....

Well, we're not really doing anything to "celebrate" our 3rd Anniversary tonight considering we hosted a dinner party for 2 other couples who share the same anniversary of 8/18. That dinner party turned into a ridiculously crazy after party that ended around 5am & I think we're still recovering from it. We have also planned some "adult" time at The Lake this weekend with one of the other couples and it's going to be pretty intense. It's nice to get away sometimes and reconnect with other adults and leave the kiddies behind.

I'll be happy to tell you some of the crazy stories that have yet to be made. In the mean time I'll post pics of the people who are sharing in our adult play time.

This is Jenni.....you already met her. She is CRAZY and addicted to zumba....which is what I believe she is possibly doing in this particular picture.


Here is TPG and Chris (Jenni's husband). He is absolutely the logical, sensible and "stable" partner in their marriage. Chris informed me that I was responsible for babysitting Jenni during our lake weekend. I then asked him who was responsible for babysitting ME?


In this picture we have Mark & The kid sister. Yeah...Yeah, I know she gorgeous & a blonde bombshell but I always tell her thank god she's pretty and at least one sister has to be blessed with the brains! HAHAHAHA! That is such a joke.....she is a Junior and Miami University, doing quite well and pretty much "the total package"......Barbie Doll BITCH!


And then there's ME. I still know how to have fun.....I think!


So..... Happy 3rd Anniversary Brandon. I still love you after 3 years of marriage and over 10 years of being partners in crime. I just hope we stay married after the Wet & Wild weekend I'm about to put him through!

Happy 3rd Anniversary to The Pepsi Guy!

TPG & I are celebrating our 3rd wedding anniversary today.

We were married at my parents lake house in Dixie Bend Retreat located just outside Burnside Kentucky. We filed for our marriage license in Pulaski County. Their application for a license actually asked if we were "next of kin"....no lie! You know because that's an important questions to ask people who choose to marry in The Common Wealth of Kentucky.

As you can see.....our wedding was made up of stories nothing short of a "Woolsie Fairy Tale"
Our wedding was documented as the first wedding ever in Dixie Bend and it was an event that really brought the drunken golf cart community together. TPG and I are still considered to have nothing sort of celebrity status amongst the locals at the retreat..... it is Kentucky you know!

Most people have a limousine awaiting the newly weds as they leave their reception. MOST PEOPLE! We however had the pleasure of exiting our Woolsie style reception on a Couch Tour. You heard me correctly.....C-O-U-C-H T-O-U-R and it f**king ROCKED! You see couch tours are not necessarily uncommon in Dixie Bend and the summer of 2005 was the year the tour was actually invented. As a surprise wedding gift to the Guru's, some dear family friends decorated their trailer and supplied their personal furnishing so our entire Bridal Party could partake in the Grand Tour together.
The fellow party goers then follow behind on what ever means of transportation available.... golf carts & 4-wheelers. It was incredible! As we toured though the narrow mostly gravel roads of Dixie Bend we started drawing a crowd as people come out of their homes to watch the druken parade. Some of them even set up lawn chairs and packed coolers just to watch as the Couch Tour passed by many times. It's been rumored that the final count of the Guru's Couch Tour that passed through Dixie Bend on August 20th 2005 exceeded over 50 well wished who followed the newly wed couple that reached over 1/4 mile long....... so they say.

There hasn't been a single trip that's gone by at The Lake that someone hasn't mention our wedding or something outrageously funny that happened at it. We've even been told by many people that it was one of those weddings that's impossible to top.

I know TPG and I had the perfect wedding....A Perfect Wedding for US! It may not be a Fairy Tale but it was our "Woolsie Fairy Tale" and we wouldn't have had it any other way.

• Reserving the Shelter in Dixie Bend with a lake front view = $0
• Beer, catering and wedding cake for 40 invited guest = $1500
• Photography & Minister = $100
• Marrying my Sweetheart & having the time of my life = PRICELESS
  

For the record, our reception back at home in Ohio was far more classic & traditional. We only act like hillbilly's in Kentucky!

• Doing it all over again "With Class" on Daddy's Master Card = PRICELESS
  

*I've searched high & low for pictures of the couch tour but I think most of it's on video. Unfortunately I can not locate them at this time but will surely post them as they are found*

The Bi-annual Gaston Family Reunion.....

Wow! The unthinkable has finally happened! I've already told you about the once annual but now bi-annual Gaston Family Reunion tradition and about the competitiveness that explodes amongst all members, new & old, to claim the Gaston Family Cup.

I am pleased to announce that 2008 is the year of the WOMEN!!!!

As you already know, GG won the Junior Cup back in June by beating all of the other "future" competitors with a good old fashion sucker pull. The Adults had the opportunity to reclaim their stake on the original Gaston Cup by competing in an event that test your skills of driving a Croquet ball as close to the stationary post as possible. It sounds easy enough but hence the word SOUNDS easy because it was actually quite the challenge! There were many obstacles inhibiting you to do as well as you thought you could, such as the tall grass, the post was an excruciating 20 yards away and of course the heckling crowd.

There were many close calls, including mine. In the end, Angie whom you may remember from here & here was victorious! She is the first woman in history to win The Gaston Cup! It was a victory for all woman and a new competitiveness has been born inside of all of us. Because NOW we know we CAN WIN!!!! I know Angie will do the cup proud this next reigning year by gloating and repeating that victory dance that almost broke her husbands back and I'll cheer her on the entire way. I just hope next year she's ready because I'm bigger & stronger then her and I'm not going down without a FIGHT to the death!

For the record......TPG was really lousy at the game. What a disappointment! He really needs to step up his competitive edge if he wants to make it in this family. We can't ride GG's coat tails forever you know!

Looky what I can do.....

We have officially started ...... need I say it ..... POTTY TRAINING.

We've had kind of a lazy start, meaning I've been lazy about it. I'm just not ready to dedicate ALL OF MY TIME to toilet training. I'm seriously okay with the whole diaper thing ... for a few more months ....or even years! I would be totally okay with it ..... IF SHE WOULD KEEP THEM ON!

So, now I'm faced with the dilemma of letting my mini-nudest roam the house bare bottomed like some kind of feral child or buckle down and train her to use the damn pot!

So here we go .....
Countless times I've had her sitting there .... without any success. I'll step outside into the hallway and give her the much needed privacy she demands. I'll let her watch me use the bathroom and she'll cheer me on with high fives and special jumping acrobatics. Then it's GG's turn to demonstrate what she's just learned. We'll go through the motions of making the "psssst" noises, flushing, waving bye-bye to the non-existent disposal, washing our hands with our new big kid soap and finish up with an encouraging words of "Almost, maybe next time!"

She enjoys the freedom of wearing the new big girl panties we just got her. They seem to help me at least identify the so called "pee-pee dance". So we'll rush off again, time after time to the potty ....... but she still won't go. I catch her moments later, hiding in the corner & peeing her in the "Big Panyee" as GG calls them.

I decided the fun has to end! No more nonsense in the bathroom is my new policy! No more flushing invisible turds or washing hands that are not soiled. Those are privileges to be experienced by children of the potty trained stature!

Wouldn't you know ...... my no nonsense approach is working..... well, at least better then the "We'll do it your way GG" style ever did.

She said...... "I do it" and giggled the the entire time she tinkled in the toilet!!! I cheered and gave out high fives as I did the silly jumps she does for me.... and it was a good day. I'm hoping all of this "patients" will be rewarded sooner then later. I know we are a long ways off from being completely trained and that she just turned 2 a few days ago. But I have already learned a few things.

1. It's really creepy letting your kid watch you pee.
2. TPG stands up to pee and it's rather confusing to GG.
3. Buy more "Big Panties"
4. And finally ...... GG, your way SUCKS!

Does anyone out their have any great tips for a newbie trainer working with stubborn trainee girl? Besides, wine......I've heard wine is helpful to trainers every where!

Happy Birthday to .....

Good Girl!
As you know her birthday was on Sunday. We had a wonderful party with more guest then we expected but all went well.

GG had no clue why everyone was gather around or why she was the center of attention ...... but she loved it anyway! The older kiddies really enjoyed the slip-n-slide but the most fun was spent playing with the sprinkler ball. She received this last year as a 1st birthday present but we never actually open it until the day of her 2nd party. Those kiddies had a blast with his silly thing trying to push, pull, roll by whatever means necessary to get the other children wet.

It's an excellent gift idea for anyone ages 1-13 or so and cost less then $15.

After the water games had ended.....by force, we settled down to eat pizza. It was quick & easy and who doesn't love a pizza birthday party. Besides, when you're this hungry..... you consider eating anything .....almost edible!

More wet water games and then we "Let Them Eat Cake".

We finally open the gifts for what seems like an eternity later. But really I opened gifts while GG cried because she wanted to play with the last 30 gifts we previously opened.


While things were winding down and the guest were leaving I noticed GG & Drew were spending a lot of time together. Mostly fighting over some great new toy or basically wanting what he other one was so intently playing with. And then it happened.....I witnessed it for myself.
He tried to slip her the tongue!


I know it may have been her 2nd Birthday and you love her because she's a good candidate for your "Future Wife" ..... BUT I've got my eye on you...... you little bastard!

My SWEETEST day.....

I'm sure I've already mentioned that I'm not really the stay at home mommy type. I really enjoy leaving the house every morning and going to work, making my own money and spending it in what ever selfish way pleases me at any given time. You see if I were to stay at home, I would completely take it all for granted. I wouldn't enjoy GG as much as I should, I'd be annoyed at everything especially TPG & I would be a fat lazy slob to top it off.

Today was one of those days. These particular days are so few and far between but this morning was one of them! It was a morning I felt like I wanted to call in sick just to stay home and play dollies, or go swimming and maybe just cuddle on the couch watching her favorite cartoons. YOu see this morning GG looked me in the eyes and said "I love you Mama". It was absolutely the sweetest, most heart warming moments that I'll never forget! It brings tears to my eyes telling you now. GG is a repeater of most things, usually on command but this wasn't prompted or programmed. She simply said it on her own and to hear her words so sweetly, made me feel complete as a parent. A feeling that I may be such a Piss Poor Parent and possibly doing something right after all because she is able to show & express her love.

I know I work full time because I choose to. I just hope that all of the Stay at home Mommies really appreciate their little ones because that truly don't stay that way. I know GG is return to being that asshole child I've come to raise as my very own when I return home this evening.

I love you too GG!

I'm turning 50 today!

I can hardly believe it!
50 post already!!!

Who knew I had so much shit to bitch about!!!!! Well, I'm sure those of you who know me are not impressed with my ability to talk, type or converse by any means necessary in order to have my voice heard.

So hang in there, if you're not completely bored out of your minds yet. Hopefully we'll turn 100 by the end of the summer!

Some things never change but the memories just get funnier .....

A 10 year Class Reunion Story......

I know I've mentioned it several times but have yet to blog about it in detail.

Middletown High School Class of 1998 Ten Year Class Reunion

The Guru's

Often imitated. Never duplicated!

You see, I'm the type pf person who will be extremely pissed off for 2 hours and then move on to something else that's a complete waste of my time. Unlike TPG who is absolutely the biggest grudge holder I know..... besides his mother, I know he gets it honest! Just last week at his 10 year class reunion, he pointed out a girl, now a woman, and stated "I hate that bitch, she flicked a booger on me in 2nd grade & I still hate her!". I couldn't help but laugh...out loud....for several minutes. I found it to be so funny because I know he will take that memory to his grave and never forgive his 2nd grade booger flicking nemeses.

L-R: Schiavone, Brown, The Pepsi Guy, Dickhead

I myself am a Lemon-Monroe Class of '96 Alumni, which is the smaller "sister school" and a big rivalry to TPG's high school. I didn't go to my 10 year class reunion because I delivered GG on a Thursday and the gathering was on Saturday. I guess I wasn't feeling on top of game nor could I fit into my senior year prom gown! So you can probably tell I wasn't really looking forward to this particular event.


I told some friends of ours, who are on the reunion committee (see pic below "doing their own thing"), of my plans to raise a bunch of hell at the country club considering I was a "Monroe Girl". I've dated TPG every day for over 10 years. That's a very long time considering I was a sophomore in college and he was a senior in high school. During that time we've met and befriended many if each others old friends and even some past lovers. We planned to attend the event with "Dickhead" and his GF who we'll call "Katie Perry" (long story but she wanted to kiss me like 1,312 times when I met her & I just so happened to be wearing cherry chap stick.) The evening went well, the food was great, the drinks were expensive, the music was nostalgic and the conversations were ..... mostly lame. I even ran into several other LMHS alumni but our hell raising was kept to a minimal!

LMHS 1996 Alumni
Kimmguru, looking like I need to eat a sandwich & Alan G. We were actually really good friends in high school. weed = friends 4 ever, apparently)

Come to find out TPG was kind of the secret crush for most of the "popular" girls. He was kind of the bad boy, didn't give a damn, causing trouble-didn't get caught, athletic, smart hot guy. Don't get me wrong! I think TPG is very handsome & I love him dearly but to see & hear stories of "The Prom Queen" and "Cheerleading Captain" gushing over him was fucking hilarious! Apparently one dateless chic missed the fact that he was MARRIED and was trying to break his neck on the dance floor. I was LMAO as he was trying to escape her grasp to no avail. I finally decided to rescue him after his man-handling and he was more then thankful but unfortunately, his predator took a seat and watched a real woman work her man on the dance floor!

The chic with the purple bag is searching for her prey. Someone should have warned TPG!

Which one of these kids is doing their own thing? Which on of this kids is not like the other?

Dickhead & KP ended up fighting 1/2 the time but fortunately made up again in the ladies restroom. No lie, I'm pissing way another one of my 12 cherry vodka & 7ups (so he tells me) and low & behold I see feet, as in 2 pair of feet in the stall next to me! I was cracking up & trying not to piss on kick ass shoes. I couldn't wait to run out & tell KP and then I discoverd it WAS KATIE PERRY & DICKHEAD. Okay, seriously...who does that shit! I had to tell someone and since it was about the SOMEONE I wanted to tell ...... I told the chic with the sunglasses (see man-handled pic) on instead. We ended up taking a picture of their feet in the stall & blackmailing them later in the evening for more drinks at the bar we closed down. Our evening ended with a 4am skinny dip at a friends house and of course ...... another fight between DH & KP. All in all it was a great time, no one puked, we had a DD for the evening and the hangover was minimal.