My Butt.....

Have you ever looked at your butt? I mean really taken a good look at it? I'm not talking about the "hole" either....I mean the cheeks.... as a whole. What a really weird thing to look at!

I am discussing this with you today because of a series of events that have recently happened and I feel the need to share. This morning, I'm walking down the dimly light hallway ..... naked. Nothing unusual from any other morning except the fact that it was much darker outside due to rain coming through the area. For whatever reason I catch a glimpse of my backside. MY BUTT! Or should I say, lack there of.

In high school my cheer squad nicknamed me "Ass Back". I'm sure it was from my lack of "junk in the trunk" if you will and I've basically been a flat wall from behind since then. Well....some things really do never change but thanks to our not so dear friend GRAVITY...... other things will!

Back to this morning. In my head I'm thinking "WTF?" almost confused as to what the piss poor lighting had to offer my eyes. My butt was long, saggy, dimply, and basically lifeless! It kind of resembled road kill that had been ran over by a semi truck......repeatedly!

In the disappointed, grief stricken moment of nakedness in the hallway..... I was PISSED. I was really pissed off at GOD!

This is what I said to him;

"God, why are you so unkind to women? Do you secretly hate us? What did we ever do to you besides eat one bad apple? We have all the hard jobs down here. Not to even mention giving birth and then raising those little monkeys too. I mean seriously DUDE, I can handle the saggy boobies because we all know they have to go somewhere.....but..... WHAT'S UP WITH THE UGLY BUTTS? Give us a break! Why can't the guys have the ugly butts? I just don't understand!"

Then I suddenly remembered the letter I received in the mail last week from my Gym. They were THANKING me for my patronage as my 1 year anniversary was approaching this month. Enclosed was a survey asking for any comments or remarks I'd like to share.

I decided there were a FEW things I'd like to share with them.

Dear Kimmguru's Over Price Gym,
I would like to take a moment to share a few comments with you, as you requested. I would like for you to consider my voice as the voice of The Whole. I feel as though I'm an excellent representative for all members, including men. As you know, I have been a member of your gym for the past year. I have attended weekly exercise classes including Zumba, Kickboxing and I've even met with a personal trainer at some point to get a weight lifting regime. I still have an Ugly Butt!

I am not the only gym member who is suffering from this epidemic. You should really trust me on this issue, in which I consider myself an expert. I actually have the ability to show you an Ugly Butt if substantial proof is necessary. I/We would like to know what you plan on doing to resolve this situation. I would like to meet with you in person within the next 30 days to devise a game plan.

However, if you elect to not address our concern with satisfactory results, we will have choice but to advertise The Gym's name across our Ugly Butts . This should serve as a warning to other potential members. We feel it would be unfair to not warn them as the help they seek is not available here and they should search elsewhere for an accredited facility. Possibly one that has visual proof that Beautiful Butts really do exist.

Please note that I have attached a picture of an Ugly Butt. Clothing is optional during our upcoming meeting. We feel that it's important for you to see first hand....just how BIG of a problem we are facing.


Kimm Guru
member